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I had no one.
No one but this baby.
I couldn’t have her here. I hung my head and was shocked to see my thighs coated with blood. “I can’t,” I moaned. “Please. I can’t do this.”
Hayden muttered angry words to Caleb, but I barely heard them. The other women patted me on the arm or the back, but every time I looked their way, all I could see was the terror in their eyes.
It only fueled my own. “I don’t want to die,” I begged them. “I don’t want my baby to die.”
Nova’s expression made it obvious I wasn’t the only one worried about the blood. I begged her with my eyes. Begged for her to reassure me and tell me everything was going to be okay.
She turned away.
I bit down on my lip. I needed to push, but fear overcame me. I couldn’t do anything. I just knelt there. A prayer fell from my lips, a mumbled rush of words I’d been drilled on over and over as a kid. Words I’d known by heart since before I could remember my own name.
I didn’t know that I believed in a god anymore. I didn’t know that I ever had. It was why I’d left my family. But now I fell back on the familiar words, taking comfort in them when everything else was out of control.
“I can see the baby’s head,” Winnie breathed. “Kara, can you push? It’s right there.”
I shook my head.
“The head keeps slipping back. I don’t think that’s a good thing. Come on, Kara. Try to get him or her out, okay?”
I couldn’t. As soon as it was out, Caleb would take it from me.
Or God would.
It was my fault.
My punishment for leaving. All of it because of my actions. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.” I stared down at the mattress beneath me, gaze tracing over the swirling pattern on the sheet.
Two fingers came beneath my chin and lifted it.
Hayden’s sea-blue eyes stared into mine, his expression fierce. “Hey. Kara, right?”
I nodded.
“Listen to me. You aren’t dying here in this shitty room and taking that baby with you. You understand? You’re going to push, and you’re going to get it out.”
I glanced toward the doorway.
Caleb watched silently. His eyes sharp, like he fed on my pain and fear.
Hayden turned my face back to him. “Hey. Don’t look at him. Look at me. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? You or your baby.”
He seemed so honest. So open. I could see why the other girls liked him. On the outside, with his skin covered in tattoos and piercings in his ears and eyebrow, he screamed bad boy. He screamed fear and danger.
He and Caleb were polar opposites. Caleb could run for president with his preppy clothes and clean-cut style.
But their eyes gave them away. Hayden’s were kind and calm.
Caleb’s were blank of anything good. They were soulless pits that would surely lead straight to Hell.
I focused on Hayden. “Do you promise?”
He didn’t hesitate. Not even for a second. “I promise. You’re going to be okay, and so is your baby. I give you my word.”
We stared at each other.