Page 120
Story: Of Flames and Fallacies
“What’s wrong?” Marge asks, noting the fall of my features as she sits beside me again.
“I just…I thought of my mother. And I miss her.”
Marge gently brushes her hand over mine. “She would be proud of you.”
Guilt swells inside of me as I remember the many years I dreamed of a different life. A life where I didn’t have to fish to provide for my mother and me, where I didn’t have to pick between us going hungry or her getting low on medicine. And now that I’m here, living a different life just like I had begged for,all I can do is miss those times. Looking back, it all seemed so simple.
Here I am today, living a life where all of my decisions are blinded by anger or fear. I almost left without saying goodbye to Marge and Archie. I slept with a man I barely know and can hardly stand, even though my heart belongs entirely to Cole. I should have left long ago with Daeja. But the truth is, I’m a coward.
I laugh, trying to mask the feelings threatening to pull me under. “I don’t know about that.”
“But I know. I’ve seen the way you defend that Archie boy. Heard how you had saved those Blackfell civilians. You saved me from those rebels, despite me giving you no reason to risk your own life. I could have turned you in, and yet you still defended me. You’re patient and kind. Strong willed and ambitious. I’ve seen how furiously you try to learn, whether it be fighting or medicinal.”
I suck my lips in. She doesn’t know the reason I asked to learn about sewing in the first place was to try tofuriouslyavoid Cole. And Celeste.
Maybe Darian, too.
“But I keep making these mistakes...” My vision blurs with tears as I glance down at my hands, attempting to sew again and shoving all the emotions back behind a facade.
Her voice is gentle. “It’s okay. We all make mistakes. Here,” she takes my hand and places whatever she retrieved from the drawer in my palm, “you can have these. It’s my extra pair.”
I unfurl the ball of black to find a pair of gloves.Hergloves.
I shake my head. “I can’t take these.”
“Yes, you can. Besides, I really only wear this pair anyway.” She motions to the ones on her hands.
My thoughts flicker to the last time someone gave me a gift—Cole placing his mother’s ring in my palm and closing my fingers over it.
“Go on,” Marge encourages.
With her insistence, I pull the gloves onto my fingers. Gratitude surges in me at such a generous gift. I flex my hands in the material and smile at her.
She pats my leg, rises, and hobbles toward the door. “Alright, well you can stay here and keep practicing for as long as you want. But I need to go bathe. I’m quite tired from the last few days.”
“Hey, Marge?”
She turns to look at me over her shoulder. “Yes?”
“Thank you.”
For the first time since I’ve known her, she actually smiles at me. Really, truly smiles. The gesture lightens her face, the wrinkled lines in the corners of her eyes deepening. She dips her head, then slips out the door.
After a few breaths, I steady my hands and thread the needle again and again, until I feel I’ve mastered the shake in my hands. The material of the gloves keeps my hands from slipping and blocks the needle from piercing my skin. The stitches in the material aren’t nearly as neat as Marge’s, but at least I can say I’ve done it.
At least I can say I’ve tried.
I debate staying in the healer’s quadrant for the rest of the night. I could sleep in one of the beds to avoid the walk to my room. Placing the needle and thread back in the drawer, Igather what courage I can. With a deep breath, I push the door open. The sun has settled behind the horizon, the last of its rays coloring the sky in yellow, oranges, and reds. Chatter and laughter surge from the center of camp, and as I walk toward my room, I run into Archie.
“Hey, Kat! I’ve been looking for you!”
“Ahh, sorry. I’ve been practicing stitching in the healer’s quadrant.” It’s an excuse, but at least it’s true.
“I suppose next time you’ll sew me up?” He winks.
“Probably not yet. Though, hopefully, there isn’t a next time where you need stitches!” I scold.
He loops an arm around my neck and pulls me into a tight side hug. “No promises. You hungry?”
“I just…I thought of my mother. And I miss her.”
Marge gently brushes her hand over mine. “She would be proud of you.”
Guilt swells inside of me as I remember the many years I dreamed of a different life. A life where I didn’t have to fish to provide for my mother and me, where I didn’t have to pick between us going hungry or her getting low on medicine. And now that I’m here, living a different life just like I had begged for,all I can do is miss those times. Looking back, it all seemed so simple.
Here I am today, living a life where all of my decisions are blinded by anger or fear. I almost left without saying goodbye to Marge and Archie. I slept with a man I barely know and can hardly stand, even though my heart belongs entirely to Cole. I should have left long ago with Daeja. But the truth is, I’m a coward.
I laugh, trying to mask the feelings threatening to pull me under. “I don’t know about that.”
“But I know. I’ve seen the way you defend that Archie boy. Heard how you had saved those Blackfell civilians. You saved me from those rebels, despite me giving you no reason to risk your own life. I could have turned you in, and yet you still defended me. You’re patient and kind. Strong willed and ambitious. I’ve seen how furiously you try to learn, whether it be fighting or medicinal.”
I suck my lips in. She doesn’t know the reason I asked to learn about sewing in the first place was to try tofuriouslyavoid Cole. And Celeste.
Maybe Darian, too.
“But I keep making these mistakes...” My vision blurs with tears as I glance down at my hands, attempting to sew again and shoving all the emotions back behind a facade.
Her voice is gentle. “It’s okay. We all make mistakes. Here,” she takes my hand and places whatever she retrieved from the drawer in my palm, “you can have these. It’s my extra pair.”
I unfurl the ball of black to find a pair of gloves.Hergloves.
I shake my head. “I can’t take these.”
“Yes, you can. Besides, I really only wear this pair anyway.” She motions to the ones on her hands.
My thoughts flicker to the last time someone gave me a gift—Cole placing his mother’s ring in my palm and closing my fingers over it.
“Go on,” Marge encourages.
With her insistence, I pull the gloves onto my fingers. Gratitude surges in me at such a generous gift. I flex my hands in the material and smile at her.
She pats my leg, rises, and hobbles toward the door. “Alright, well you can stay here and keep practicing for as long as you want. But I need to go bathe. I’m quite tired from the last few days.”
“Hey, Marge?”
She turns to look at me over her shoulder. “Yes?”
“Thank you.”
For the first time since I’ve known her, she actually smiles at me. Really, truly smiles. The gesture lightens her face, the wrinkled lines in the corners of her eyes deepening. She dips her head, then slips out the door.
After a few breaths, I steady my hands and thread the needle again and again, until I feel I’ve mastered the shake in my hands. The material of the gloves keeps my hands from slipping and blocks the needle from piercing my skin. The stitches in the material aren’t nearly as neat as Marge’s, but at least I can say I’ve done it.
At least I can say I’ve tried.
I debate staying in the healer’s quadrant for the rest of the night. I could sleep in one of the beds to avoid the walk to my room. Placing the needle and thread back in the drawer, Igather what courage I can. With a deep breath, I push the door open. The sun has settled behind the horizon, the last of its rays coloring the sky in yellow, oranges, and reds. Chatter and laughter surge from the center of camp, and as I walk toward my room, I run into Archie.
“Hey, Kat! I’ve been looking for you!”
“Ahh, sorry. I’ve been practicing stitching in the healer’s quadrant.” It’s an excuse, but at least it’s true.
“I suppose next time you’ll sew me up?” He winks.
“Probably not yet. Though, hopefully, there isn’t a next time where you need stitches!” I scold.
He loops an arm around my neck and pulls me into a tight side hug. “No promises. You hungry?”
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 154