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We both laugh at that, because it is really weird. The odds of it are kind of crazy.

“I know,” I say. “She’s good to me, Autumn. I promise.”

“I know,” she agrees. “You’ve been through too much by now to settle for just anyone. She better keep it up.”

“I can let her know that if she breaks my heart she has to go through you.”

Another loud, surprised laugh.

“Because I’m soscary.”

“I wouldn’t want to mess with you.”

“Good!”

She pulls me by the hand into another hug that is so well needed. I squeeze her tight, and she squeezes me back. It’s just another thing in my life that finally feels right again. One of the last puzzle pieces.

“I love you, Rey.”

“I’ve been letting it slide,” I admit. “But I only gave Miles permission to call me that.”

She jokingly shoves me away with a scoff.

“It felt wrong coming out of my mouth, but I thought I was being nice!”

We laugh some more, and I apologize some more, and we catch up on the craziness of these huge chapters in our lives getting started this year.

I hold baby Riley, and he wiggles the whole time in the way that only babies do. I look into his gray-blue eyes and wonder if they’ll turn into Autumn’s hazel, or Miles’ brown.

Then I apologize some more for not being there when he was born. I’ll let him hold it against me, in the half-serious way that my friends hold things against me. Not with residual anger, but just as a reminder that I can be a little shit.

And Riley will do it just like that, because wearegoing to be friends. I’m looking forward to the day when he’s old enough for me to get on his every last nerve.

43

“You ready?” I ask her, squeezing her hand.

I made it as clear as I possibly could that she didn’t have to come to this. There will always be other birthdays, and other celebrations, but she said she was ready. If I’ve learned anything from this woman in the last few months we’ve been together, it’s that I trust her to know herself. If she says she can handle it, she can.

It just makes me admire her strength and resilience that much more.

She also really likes Vic, which helps. If it was Autumn’s party, there would be some hesitation there. I don’t think she dislikes my other friend, but she hasn’t yet forgiven herself for their shared past. I think it’s too hard, because she looks at her and sees a version of herself that she wants to move past. Sometimes I feel bad that my connection to them won’t allow her to shove it all away, but I suppose it’s healthier to face it. I’ll be here to help her the whole way, however long it takes her.

Kara only looks mildly panicked when she nods.

“Sure. Let’s do this.”

I prepped everyone else, too. I wanted to avoid any awkward conversations, or attempts to feel her out. She doesn’t need to be prodded like a zoo animal, and I will swat away anyone that makes her feel that way.

We step out of the car, and I watch her as she looks up at Vic’s two-story house, covered in large windows, and deep green details. Her jaw drops, just slightly.

“Isn’t it gorgeous?” I ask.

“Is Vic loaded?” she asks in return.

I laugh, surprise at her astonishment. It's not any bigger than the one her mother lives in.

“Kind of.”