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I scoop her up to hug her again, as tight as possible while still letting her breathe. She giggles, but squirms to be put back down. I’m making a fuss. She doesn’t really understand why yet.

“I’ll miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you too, mama.”

Yep, I’m crying. I don’t even think she knows what it’s like to really miss someone, but she’s going to find out.

Raquel and Caleb both give me awkward hugs and promises that she’ll be taken care of. That she’ll have fun. That this is all worth it.

I cry harder, but Dahlia is too excited to notice. I’m relieved when she takes Raquel’s hand and they start down the stairs without looking my way again.

“Sorry,” I apologize to Caleb for whatever reason. “I told myself I’d keep it together, but I’m freaking out.”

He hugs me again, but the weirdest part is that Ilethim hug me again. I even squeeze him back a little tighter.

“I promise she’ll be safe, and we will call you every single day so you can see her face.”

I nod a few times, not trusting my voice.

“Thank you, Reya.”

I nod again.

“Call me before your flight leaves.”

“It’s at five in the morning,” he says.

“I know. I’ll be awake.”

“Okay. Of course.”

“Thank you, Caleb.”

He smiles and leaves, and I can still hear my daughter's cheery voice from down in the parking lot.

I don’t bother going back into my own apartment, I walk straight through Kara’s front door.

“Are you okay?” she asks me as I fall into her arms and bury my face in her neck.

“I don’t want to step a single foot in my apartment until she’s back.”

There’s a problem with that. We leave in two days and we’re only going to be gone for a few. That leaves a lot of days for moping around.

“Oh no,” she teases. “If only you had a girlfriend with an apartment of her own that loved having you around all the time.”

“You love having me aroundall the time? I thought you’d be missing your late night rock concerts by now.”

She playfully slaps at my shoulder, and I laugh as I squeeze her harder.

37

The air is knocked right out of my lungs when we step off the path that leads to the beach. I’ve been here before, I’ve seen the ocean, but there’s something about this piece of the ocean and this time of day. The sun is reflecting off of the sea in golden waves, water gently splashes onto rocks in the distance.

“It’s gorgeous,” I whisper.

“I needed this so badly,” Kara sighs. I look over to see her facing up towards the sky with her eyes closed. Soaking in the sun like the tanned goddess she is.

She’s always glowing, but there’s something that shines brighter about her here. This is her element. This is what it looks like to see someone who usually carries so much weight on their shoulders finally be able to drop it off and fling it into the ocean.