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Chapter Eight

Samirah's windows overlooked the water, and at two in the morning, I perched myself on the cushion-covered window seat in her bedroom and gazed over the harbor. Boats came and went quietly with lowlights, and the fragrance of damp air rushed through the cracked window. I pinched the unlit cigarette between my fingers, and rested my chin on my knee as I allowed myself to relax under the soothing sight. The rhythm and regularity of the boats brought a comfortable routine over the course of an hour.

It had been years, if ever, that I'd spent the night with someone on more than one occasion. Sam felt different to me—comfortable, familiar—and I found myself growing increasingly attached. It scared me. I didn't want to like her too much or hope for too much. I'd avoided relationships, fearing the depth of connection and the idea of trusting someone. I hadn't ever, except for Rebecca and Alex, and that was a different kind of trust.

"What are you doing over there, beautiful girl?" Samirah's raspy voice crooned.

I pulled my attention from the window to watch as she pried herself from the bed. Unlike me, she wasn't completely naked, though she wore only a thin white sleep shirt.

"Watching the boats," I told her. She came to sit across from me, her warm body pressed against my shin as she stroked my bare thigh.

"I didn't know you smoked," she said, kissing my knee. "You're a little cold."

"Only sometimes when I can't sleep. I didn't light it." I nodded to the smoke detector on her ceiling.

"We can step out on the balcony if you need to. But if you don't need to…" She urged the cigarette from my hand and set it down beside us before taking my hands. "Can't sleep?"

"I did for a little bit." I gave her hands a squeeze as my throat tightened with emotion. My thoughts overwhelmed me as they did at night sometimes.

"Come here, Rosie. It's okay." Samirah pulled me to her and, at first, I wanted to resist, but I couldn't. My body ached for her, and I didn't understand why. She urged me into her arms and I hugged her, kissing her neck a few times while she rubbed my back. "What are you thinking about?"

"That I haven't spent the night anywhere since college," I said, leaning back to gaze up at her. "And about how much I like you."

"Hmm." She smiled and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "In the atmosphere of truth, I have to admit that I haven't had anyone share my bed in a long time either. And I'm quite kerfluxed about how much I like you, too."

"What's kerfluxed?" I asked, leaning into her affection.

"No idea." She laughed softly as she tucked my hair behind my ears. "I say it when I can't think of a better word."

I ran my hands up and down her sides, tracing the curves of her body. "How come you don't let me touch you?"

"You're touching me right now," she said, a small smile curving her lips.

"You know what I mean." I took her hands and she squeezed me. "Tell me why."

She watched me, not saying anything though her smile remained. "How come it's important?"

"Because it's important to me, Sam. I love how you make me feel, but not being able to give that back, or at least not knowing why you don't want me to is hard," I confessed, allowing my fatigue and flittering anxiety to take over in a bout of truth.

Her thumbs brushed my knuckles, and her eyes shimmered in the faint lights from the harbor. Despite her stoic expression, her eyes gave away the fact that my question bothered her.

"Two reasons," she said, finally.

"Okay…"

"The first is that I enjoy seeing you lost in the thralls of pleasure. It hits me with the same intensity. It's hard to explain that, but that's the first reason." Her gaze never left mine and I nodded my understanding.

"I get that, Sam. But what's the other reason?"

"I haven't really let anyone in a long time. Most of the time, the women I was with were perfectly fine with one-sided nights," she said, her gaze flickering away for a moment.

"How long of a time?"

"A long time," she repeated.

"Okay." I stroked the thick length of her hair when she grew quiet. "It's okay."

She nodded and turned to kiss my wrist.