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Chapter Eighteen

Sam didn't say a word the entire ride back to her place. I couldn't stop crying and her silence told me she wasn't any better off. She paced by the front door after locking up and I dropped down on the sofa after snatching a tissue from the table. She turned to me, her eyes as wild as her emotions.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

"I'm so sad for you right now," I blurted out and choked on a sob. "I'm so angry."

She came to sit beside me, though the way she roughly massaged her thighs told me she was in the midst of a panic attack again.

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head, then buried her face in her hands. A soft sob left her and I moved closer to her, though she started when my body pressed against her.

"Look at me, baby. Sami. Look at me." I called to her and eventually she did. "Breathe together with me like before. Anita makes me breathe with her."

"Your breathing is worse than mine," she said, sobbing and smirking at the same time. It made me chuckle. "Sit in my lap?"

"Okay." I stood to reposition myself, then straddled her lap like she asked. The moment we connected in that way, she appeared to calm down. Her hands wandered over me, tracing the curves of my sides and hips until she urged my sweater over my head. I let her do whatever the hell she wanted and leaned down to brush my lips against hers.

"What's our safe word?" she asked, her voice a raspy croon.

"Snowman." I gasped when she grabbed my breasts and closed the space between us.

In a heartbeat, she had me on my back and we tore at each other's clothes. Never in my life had I cried during sex and tonight broke that notion. Both of us, a mess of tears, hurt, and pleasure as we rocked together on the sofa. We twisted in a breathy, heated round of fucking tangled later with strands of lovemaking.

Sam sucked in her breath as she came, her body curling against me instead of arching in bliss like usual. When she calmed down, she buried her face in the pillows beside my shoulder and I wrapped her in a hug. We gasped for breath, calming down together while my legs writhed against hers from the adrenaline and messy emotions.

Eventually, we turned on our sides to face each other, and I draped my leg over her hip. She placed soft kisses on my eyelids, nose, and forehead while I kissed her fingers. When I opened my eyes, tears continued to stream her cheeks, though she didn't make a sound. I thumbed away the dampness, then kissed her carefully.

"I'm sorry about today." She sniffled then dropped her head on the pillow beside mine.

"Is it always like that?"

She nodded and her gaze flickered over my shoulder.

"You believe what he says to you, don't you?" I focused on my breathing to keep myself calm so that I could be there for her. She was the one in pain right now, and my own emotions needed to keep themselves together. I wanted more than anything to be a sounding board for her. No one in my life trusted me to talk things over with, because they worried I would get upset. I didn't want that same dynamic with Sam.

"Sometimes. It's hard not to."

"Do you believe that you deserved what happened to you, baby?" I continued to stroke my thumbs over her cheeks.

"Logically, no. Sometimes it feels like it, though." She placed her hand on my naked stomach and rubbed me in slow circles. "You're so beautiful, Rosie. Physically and emotionally."

"You know something, Sami?" I nudged her chin up so that she'd meet my gaze again. "So are you. And you have a beautiful heart that you keep tucked away so it doesn't get hurt any more than it already has."

She watched me, her gaze fixed on mine as she listened to me speak her truths.

"It's hidden behind a tough exterior. A sharp dominance, a bitch label, but the truth is, you're none of those things. There's a part of you that doesn't want to be in charge or a bitch. There's a soft, tender part of you that wants to melt into love and safety. Know how I know that?"

She shook her head, and drew circles around my navel with her nail. My stomach flip-flopped and it sent a sharp burn of reignited arousal to my core.

"Because sometimes you let me love you and keep you safe. But only until you catch yourself, and then you button back up again." I poked her bottom lip and she kissed my finger. "Truth?"

"Maybe." She shrugged, then placed her hand on my chest between my breasts. "I want to keep you safe, my sweet."

"You do, honey. Every day." I smiled and noted how the tension in her midsection released for a moment. "I heard what you said to your mom today. Calling me someone you love. Even through all of that, it made me happy to hear you say it."

"You know how I feel about you…"