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It feels different now. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that creeps glacially into your gut and rests there. I don’t care for it.
“The thought never even occurred to you, did it, Dante? But then again, does it ever when it comes to men and their ego? You men placate your consciences with the illusion that you’re taking care of your family, creating wealth so you can give them a better life. But is it, Dante? Is it a better life?”
Mia gets up, goes to the bathroom, and slams the door shut, leaving me feeling lower than snake shit at the bottom of the ocean. Is she right? Is it better to have love rather than money and power?
She can’t possibly think that! Love amidst poverty and squalor is a romantic notion suffered only by those who have not lived it. Money buys security. It keeps families fed and protected. Granted, my wealth may seem excessive to most, but it isn't even about that for me. It’s about being on top; being the best and what I do. That’s what drives me.
I get off the bed and move toward the bathroom. I turn the handle. The door is locked.
“Please, Dante. I just need a few minutes,” Mia says from the other side.
What can I do? I get dressed and go downstairs where Arnold is busily preparing breakfast. He’s a sweet guy. I don’t hold his harsh words toward me against him. I’d be dead had the roles been reversed and I were him. What father wouldn’t want to keep his daughter safe from a mobster.
“Hi, Arnold.”
“Morning. Coffee? You look like a man who could use one.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Everything alright upstairs?”
“Could be better.”
“You have to be patient when it comes to the women folk, Dante. Times may have changed, but a woman’s heart remains the same.”
“Yes, well I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for breaking Mia’s. Unintentionally as it may have been.”
“You have an opportunity to fix it. I sincerely hope you appreciate that. Not many women would have given you a second chance.”
“I know. Mia is special. I love her deeply.”
“Then make this go away, Dante. And just a little friendly advice. I’d think long and hard on changing careers if I were you. Is this really how you want your son to grow up?”
I don’t have an answer for Arnold. Face it, there are none that would make sense. None that would justify the means. Meeting Mia has changed me. I think that’s quite evident in the niggling thoughts I’ve had of late about where I am in my life.
I’ve got some introspective thinking ahead of me. But that will have to take a backseat to the task that lies before me. I have to find and kill the men who are threatening the wellbeing of my family. And soon.
25
MIA
“Where are you going, Mom?”
“I have to go by the office for a bit, my love,” I lie.
“But, it’s Sunday.”
“Yeah, I know. The doctor needs me to help him with something quickly. I won’t be long, sweetheart. Grandpa and Daddy are here.”
“Your job sucks, Mom.”
Angelo stomps off, dejected. He’s been looking forward to a game of catch all week. He wants us all to play, like a big family, he said. Now I feel rotten.
I also am not particularly looking forward to meeting with the enemy right now, but I don’t have a choice. Seeing Angelo’s disappointment makes me mad all over again. This day is getting worse. Who knew that was even possible?
Guilt and regret is a malicious creature. It takes a hold of you with its sharp teeth and holds on for dear life while you writhe in pain. I feel bothered by my reaction toward Dante this morning, but what’s done is done.
“It’s okay, champ. You Dad and I are going to run you ragged,” Dad says with as much excitement in his voice as he can muster.