Page 101

“Sounds like a plan, guys. Get some rest. Vruna will be here with some of the others and we’ll have you get you out of these woods in no time,” Draik says.

Chapter Thirty

Mazvyn

Sleepnevercomeseasilyfor me. I spend hours lying awake, dreaming of what life would be like if Ashara were here. No matter how much I try not to think about her, she’s still there. The pain I felt when she died will never go away. Having Lilith back certainly helps, because I no longer feel like I failed my wife and my child. I just feel like I failed my wife. My mate. My children are the only thing that keeps me going anymore. Nothing else brings me joy. They are all I need in this life.

Lilith is so much like her mom that it’s scary sometimes. She will say something and it’s like Ashara is here again. It brings me some semblance of peace to know that Ashara is living on through Lilith.

Anytime I sleep, I dream of the night I felt her death. It plays on a loop in my mind, and it won’t give me a moment of reprieve. I know I should find a way to move on, but I don’t want to forget her. Pictures and dreams are the only way I can remember what her smiling face looked like. I can no longer remember what her touch feels like or the sound of her laughter.

When I finally fall asleep, my dreams are different. I’m standing beside my body, watching myself sleep. Camp is quiet, and the moonlight is shining through the walls of the tent, illuminating my surroundings.

“Mazvyn,” I hear her voice, soft and ethereal. I look up to see Ashara. I don’t say anything because I’m not sure what to make of it. Lilith has said Ashara has come to her in her sleep, but she’s never visited me. “I know you don’t understand.”

“I don’t know if you are real,” I say. “I don’t know if I want you to be real.”

“I’m real, darling,” she says, cupping my cheek. When I feel the warmth of her skin, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“I miss you… so much,” I whisper.

“I know, baby. I know,” she says tenderly. “I’ve wanted to visit but I knew it wouldn’t make anything easier for you.”

“Why now?” I ask, looking at my mate.

“Because you need to move on, Maz,” she says. “You need to find happiness.”

“I have Lilith now. My kids and you are all I need,” I say as hot tears well up. “I will never find true happiness without you.”

“Maz, baby. You need to be open to finding love,” she says.

“I don’t want someone new,” I say. “I want you. I want my mate. My first love.”

“It’s too late for that, Maz. Please, all I ask is for you to be open to a mate if she comes to you. Okay?”

“A new mate will not make me miss you any less,” I frown.

“I know,” she says. “But she can bring you joy again. She can make you feel good again. I can’t do that for you anymore. I can’t be what you want me to be. You tell me every night that you’re angry that I left you because you didn’t get to say goodbye. This is your chance to do that, Mazvyn. It’s not fair for me to keep visiting you guys. It only brings you pain.”

“I just want you back,” I say tearfully. “I want my mate.”

“I know,” she says with tears rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t know how to find my way back to you… but I can’t keep visiting. It’s not fair to you or Lilith.”

“She’s just like you,” I tell my mate. “She’s incredibly smart and brave. She made a pet out of a Suthul.”

“She has a kind heart.” she smiles. “She got that from you. Her attitude came from me.”

“I can agree with you on that,” I chuckle as I wipe my face.

“I need to go now, love,” she says, hugging me tightly. “You’ve done a wonderful job taking care of our children. I knew you’d bring Lilith home.”

“I love you, Ashara. I’ll never forget you. Ever,” I whisper. “But for you, I will try to find happiness.”

“Thank you,” she says. “I love you to the moon and back, Maz.”

When I pull away, she suddenly disappears and I pulled away from my dream.

Chapter Thirty One