Page 69

After what feels like forever, Jin eases the car to a stop. We’ve finally arrived at our destination.

Hwangnyeongsan Mountain overlooking the city of Busan.

I step out of the car and the wind greets me all at once—warm, fresh, threaded with the scents of pine and ocean salt. A shiver runs through me, not from the air but the relief it stirs inside me that I’m alive and experiencing nature again.

For this moment, I’mfree.

Jin rounds the back of the car to pop the trunk and pull out a paper bag. He returns to the front, hopping onto the hood of the Genesis.

“Well?” he prompts, glancing over at me. “Are you joining me?”

“Oh… um, okay.”

I climb up beside him much more awkwardly. While he made jumping up on the hood of his car look smooth and cool, I’m fumbling crawling aboard. He has to help me, grabbing at my elbow to pull me back beside him. My legs stretch out in front of me, hardly dangling over like his do.

Out of the paper bag, he withdraws two bottles of Bong Bong, a peach-flavored soda, and a foil-wrapped package. He handsme a bottle of soda and unwraps the foiling to reveal the pancake treat known as Hotteok. The warm and sweet scent of cinnamon and roasted nuts is so pleasant on a summer night like this.

My stomach growls noisily and I flush hot, letting out a soft laugh at the sound.

Jin notices, because the corner of his mouth twitches.

I take my first bite and moan at how the sweet pancake melts in my mouth. “Oh my god, I forgot how good these things are.”

Jin bites into his own, turning his gaze onto the surreal view spooled out in front of us. I immediately understand why—Busan is a vast, seemingly never-ending grid of glittering starlight. It feels like we can see every detail of the city from where we sit, like we’re watching the millions of people who live in Busan go on about their lives.

I can stare out at the bright, twinkling lights and think about the families enjoying an evening at home with their loved ones, or the young travelers who are at some bar or club dancing the night away. I can even see myself going about my life, meeting up with Kelly for dinner or returning home late from volunteering at the orphanage.

It really puts things into perspective. It makes me think about how we’re each just a tiny, glowing dot on a massive lit-up grid. We’re a drop in a huge ocean, always so focused on ourselves, we don’t consider the greater scheme of things.

My breath catches. “It’s… it’s beautiful.”

Jin nods in answer.

For a while, we eat in silence. The only sounds between us are our slow breaths, the crinkle of foil, and the occasional hiss of wind through the trees behind us. It caresses my skin and blows through my tight curls, another sign I’m still alive.

Life hasn’t always gone my way. But I’m holding on. I’m surviving.

I tilt my head back and close my eyes, and before I know it, I’m spilling the thoughts in my head.

“My whole life changed that night,” I say quietly. “The night I went on some dumb blind date, then took a wrong turn in Haeundae and came across you and your men. But it wasn’t the first time I had a night like that.”

Jin turns toward me, listening intently. I can practically sense his focus narrowing to me and me only.

“Two years ago, I was living in Philly. I was a teacher then too. Eli and I had just gotten engaged. We’d moved in together. We were planning our wedding for the end of the year. I thought a winter wedding would be so beautiful. I couldn’t have been happier. It really felt like everything was falling into place.

“Then… one night I got a phone call,” I say, biting the inside of my cheek. “There’d been an accident. His car was found twisted around the pole of a traffic light. Police told me he had run a red light by accident. He was texting when it happened. Died on impact. I… I had to identify him at the morgue.”

I break down in a sob that comes out of nowhere, flooding through me like the grief normally does when I think of Eli. The taste of salt wets my lips, and I have to swallow several times just to get hold of myself. Just to prepare myself for what I’m about to say.

“A part of me is so angry at him. For being so careless. For leaving me like he did. How could he take away our future?” I ask brokenly. “I’ve never said that aloud before. I’ve felt ashamed for feeling that way. But it’s the truth. I hate that I have all these unresolved feelings when I know I need to move on.”

Jin remains silent a moment longer, then says, “Anger is one of the most honest emotions a person can feel. But people are ashamed to admit it. They believe it’s a poor reflection of themselves, then bottle it up, making it worse.”

I glance at him sideways. “You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

“I do. I bury emotions all the time. Including anger. Feeling things… can make you lose control.”

“That’s an interesting way to view feeling things. I’m guessing that’s why you avoid it.”