Page 89

“Well, maybe the actual declaring your love bit will be easier?” offered Carys. “You won’t know until you try.”

“You made it look relatively easy.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Carys beamed. “Just say what’s in your heart, it’ll be fine,bach.”

“It would help if I weren’t in a police station,” said Jem.

“Yes, I can see that. Let’s see what we can do about getting you out of here. Where’s your bloke?”

“He’s notmybloke, he’s justabloke,” Jem said. She had no idea where Rolly was. He’d disappeared once they’d been taken from the station and she hadn’t heard from him since. Probably flirting with one of their jailers.

“We could get your dad to come and bail you out,” Carys said uncertainly.

“Yeah, that’s going to be a no,” Jem said.

The door opened and Rolly stood there, straightening his tie. “Come on then, girls, we’re free to go.”

“We are?” Carys asked. “I mean, you are?”

“Free as birds,” Rolly grinned. “It helps to have connections. Now where are we off to.”

“Well, Ellie and Jem are going to be locked in Jem’s flat while they either make up or slaughter each other, whichever comes easier, and Mo and I will probably find the nearest caf and have a sausage sandwich.”

“Oooo, that sounds nice,” Rolly said. “Red sauce or brown?”

“Both,” said Carys quite grandly, taking Rolly’s arm. “Shall we go then?”

IT WASN’T UNTIL they were alone that Jem’s heart finally felt right, like it had settled into place. Mo closed the door behind him and Ellie perched on the edge of the couch and all of Jem’s nerves slithered away under the rug until she was as calm as a millpond.

“I fucked up.” Maybe not the most romantic start.

“You did,” Ellie said. Her hair was swept back off her face and it made her look younger, more fragile somehow.

Jem sighed and choosing her words carefully began to tell Ellie what had happened, what her father had said, the choice she had made. And Ellie’s face got a little paler, a little more fragile.

“I didn’t ask for that,” Ellie said when Jem was done.

Jem took a breath. “I know. I realize my mistake now. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought that giving you your old life back would be easier. I thought having my old life back would be easier. I didn’t know it would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Ellie shook her head. “You’re not the only one to blame. I’ve been so stuck in my ways, so comfortable in my life, that I didn’t want to change. I suppose it was natural that you’d think I’d want to keep the life I’d built.”

“But you don’t?” Jem asked, shuffling a little closer.

Ellie looked up at her. “I want things to be different. If you’ve shown me one thing it’s that life is better, bigger with someone else in it. I like being quiet, I like being at home, but sometimes a little drama can be… exhilarating.”

“Am I a little drama?”

“You’re a lot of drama,” Ellie said. She smiled. “But perhaps with time we could both… moderate a little. You could become less drama, I could accept more drama.”

“Do you mean that?” asked Jem, mouth starting to dry up.

“Losing you was one of the most horrible things that’s ever happened to me,” Ellie said, the truth naked in her eyes. “It was ridiculous, every part of me said it was ridiculous. We barely know each other, we’ve hardly spent any time together, I didn’t want anyone in my life. And yet that text message you sent me felt like a body blow, like my house collapsing around me.”

“I never meant to hurt you,” Jem started.

“I know,” interrupted Ellie. “I know you didn’t. I know your intentions were good. I can see that now. Even when I was hurting I think I knew you had your reasons.”

“And I know you had yours for not wanting to be with me,” Jem said carefully. “But I’m hoping that I’ve changed enough that you’ll reconsider, is that a possibility?”