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Ellie didn’t move.

Jem physically pushed her to the sink and then grasped the hair at the back of her head, pushing her down until Ellie finally realized what was happening and started fighting against it.

“No, relax,” Jem said. “Trust me.”

For an agonizing, breathless second Ellie couldn’t move. Then she relaxed, letting Jem move her, plunging her head into the ice and water filled sink.

It was over in less than a second. The sharp shock from the freezing water made Ellie’s breath stick in her throat, but when Jem pulled her back out she could suddenly breathe again, the band on her chest was gone. She gasped oxygen in and out, regaining her balance.

“It’s called the diving reflex,” Jem said, handing her a towel. “It immediately lowers your heart rate.”

“Jesus,” Ellie said, mopping at her face. “Thank you.”

“You shouldn’t thank me,” said Jem sadly. “We’re both destroyed, aren’t we?”

Ellie let her breath come back, simply nodding.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No,” said Ellie. “No. Don’t be sorry. There’s nothing more important than you being your true self. Please don’t apologize for that.”

Jem started to blink back tears again. “I’ve ruined everything, Ellie. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m at a bit of a loss myself,” Ellie admitted. She did the only thing she could think of, which was to take Jem back into her arms. The warmth of Jem’s body melted into hers, with one hand she stroked Jem’s hair. “It’s going to be alright,” she said.

“Is it?” Jem asked, looking up at her with those dark blue eyes.

Ellie laughed a little, the fear of it all still settling in. “Fuck knows.”

Jem smiled, a slight crinkling of her eyes, her lips barely moving.

“What’s done is done,” said Ellie, moving her head just slightly, unconsciously lining herself up with Jem’s mouth. Jem pushed against her, molding her body into Ellie’s until Elliewasn’t sure where she ended and Jem began.

“Are you sure about this?”

Ellie knew exactly what she was talking about. “Are you sure about what you told your brother?”

Jem frowned. “Yes, I’ve known since I was a child, for God’s sake.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Ellie said patiently. “The other part. The part where you said you were falling in love.”

Jem took a breath and Ellie bit her lip, preparing herself to hear the worst, to hear that it was just the shock of the moment, it was just to prove a point.

“Yes,” said Jem simply.

Which was all Ellie needed to hear. She leaned in and slowly, softly, brushed her lips against Jem’s. “In that case,” she whispered. “Other than both of our lives getting destroyed, there doesn’t seem to be anything standing in our way, does there?”

Jem’s answer was to push her mouth hard against Ellie’s until Ellie groaned with wanting.

Chapter Twenty Five

With careful hands, Jem pushed Ellie’s wet hair away from her face, looking down at her, trying to drink her in, trying to memorize this moment forever. But Ellie was having none of it. She arched her body against Jem’s, pushing her hips against her, running strong fingers up her back.

“Jesus,” Jem hissed.

“We’ve waited long enough,” Ellie said.

And any lingering doubts that Jem might have had disappeared. She was no longer concerned that she’d just blown up her own life and Ellie’s with it. She was no longer worried that Ellie’s response to all this had been a full blown panic attack. She could only think of the way Ellie felt against her, the warm shape of her, the scent of her.