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“So, um, then I wanted to get hold of Jem, but she wouldn’t pick up her phone, so I did the only thing I could think of and I called that guy Toby and…” Mo took a breath. “And we’re not fired. Whatever else happened, we still have the contract.”

“What?” Ellie said again. “How?”

“I don’t know,” Mo said. “But he hadn’t heard anything about us being let go and he made some discreet inquiries, and the job is still ours.”

“Right,” Ellie said, knowing she should be happy about this.

“But it doesn’t make up for the other part, does it?” Mo asked, taking her hand. “I’m so sorry, El.”

“Don’t be, it’s my own stupid fault. I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” Ellie said, tears coming to her eyes. She blinked them away furiously. “You all tell me to get out of my comfort zone, but honestly, it’s a comfort zone for a reason. It’s comfortable.And when I leave it… things like this happen.”

Mo shook their head. “That’s not what this is about, you know that.”

“Isn’t it? I know that I let someone in, someone that I shouldn’t have let in. And then…” Her breath started leaving her body again. She let Jem in. She gave herself to Jem. And then as soon as she had, Jem sent a text,a text, to say that they wouldn’t be seeing each other again. Just like that. Those words.

“It’s alright,” Mo said, squeezing her hand. “Take deep breaths. It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright.”

Mo blinked away their own tears. “I know,” they said. “I know it’s not. But it will be. It will be alright, El, I promise.”

And Ellie finally let herself cry because Mo was crying too and it seemed rude to leave them to do it alone. And because she couldn’t hold it back anymore. She’d trusted Jem and now she was gone and the hole she would leave was bigger than Ellie had ever imagined.

Chapter Twenty Nine

Rolly settled her into a club chair and ordered drinks for the both of them. Jem was shaking so badly she wasn’t entirely sure she would have made it out of her father’s building if Rolly hadn’t shown up to see where she was.

“It can’t have been that bad,” Rolly said, leaning in. “I mean, surely Jasper was the worst part. He was always a homophobe, even at school.”

“It was bad,” Jem mumbled.

Rolly sat back again and shook his head. “You know, sometimes I wondered if Jasper protested too much.”

“What do you mean?”

Rolly shrugged. “I don’t know, I suppose when you’re that against something it does sometimes carry that implication that perhaps you’re trying a little too hard to, you know…”

“I don’t think Jasper’s gay,” Jem said. “Rosie’s pregnant.”

“So?” said Rolly. “That doesn’t mean a thing.”

“Still, I’m pretty sure he’s not.” She laughed bitterly. “Could you imagine my father’s reaction if both his children ended up being defective.”

“You’re not defective,” said Rolly immediately. “Far from it. You’re a wonderful, kind, loving person who’s figuring out her place in the world, that’s all.”

“I’ve destroyed my place in the world.”

The drinks came, set silently upon the table by a waitress who immediately disappeared.

“You’ve destroyed nothing, Jem. I’m sure you haven’t. I’m sure it was a difficult situation, but you’ve handled it now, haven’t you?”

She laughed again, that same cold sound. “I’ve handled it all.”

Rolly sighed and put down the glass that he’d just picked up. “What exactly happened, Jemima?”