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Or several.

Was she really going to have her come to Jesus moment chopping tomatoes?

Except this wasn’t a moment at all. It was an accumulation of thoughts and feelings and realizations and the growing sense that being without Ellie wasn’t going to be easy, that leaving was harder than she’d thought. A realization that you could do the right thing for the right reason and still be wrong.

Which she was beginning to think had happened. Sure, she’d handed Ellie her old life back. But… but what if Ellie’s old life was just as full of holes as Jem’s old life? What if Ellie actually didn’t want her old life back and she’d never given her the opportunity to decide?

She handed the cutting board full of tomatoes to her mother. “I’ll go back to London tomorrow.”

“As you wish.”

Chapter Thirty Two

The office was as silent as she’d ever heard it, despite the fact that there were three of them in the tiny space. Ellie tried to focus on her computer screen where she was choosing table linens for the Darlington party.

The problem with trying very, very hard to forget Jemima was that she was still, unfathomably, working for Jemima’s father. So far no one had said any differently, and the one meeting she’d had with Alistair had been short and to the point. Which left her feeling like she definitely hadn’t been fired.

Not that she wasn’t pleased, she was, very much so. At least if she couldn’t have a private life she could have a successful company. It was still an odd feeling though, and it did make it difficult to forget that for an instant there she’d been happy.

She growled under her breath. The silence was really getting to her. Finally, she banged both hands down on her desk.

“Alright, enough, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Can’t take what?” Mo asked, looking up with big blue eyes lined today in deep purple to match their fancy Hermes scarf.

“We’re not doing anything,” Carys added somewhat defensively.

“You’re being too quiet.”

Carys rolled her eyes. “Too loud, too quiet, we can’t win inhere.”

“Why are you in here?” Ellie asked. “You’ve got your own office.”

“My office doesn’t have a heart-broken bestie in it who needs looking after,” Carys said.

It was Ellie’s turn to roll her eyes. “I’m not heart-broken and I don’t need looking after.”

Carys swapped a look with Mo who shrugged in return.

“Fine, maybe a little heart-broken,” said Ellie, regretting being sharp. “But it’s weird when you’re both in here being quiet, I don’t like it. I prefer it when you’re talking nonsense about people who are supposedly famous like… Ryan Seacrest.”

“Ryan Seacrest?” Carys said. “What is this, 2005?”

“I didn’t mind American Idol,” Mo said. “It was better than The Voice at any rate.”

“See? That’s what we’re missing, the opinions, the banter,” Ellie said. “You’re not making me feel any better by being good. In fact, it makes me feel worse. I just want things to be normal again.”

“Fair enough,” sniffed Carys. “How about a kebab for lunch?”

As much as Ellie didn’t want the place smelling like kebab, she knew Carys was trying, so she nodded and pulled a twenty pound note out of petty cash. “Extra spicy,” she said.

Carys danced off happily and Mo sighed.

“You really like her, don’t you?” Ellie said.

Mo grinned. “I do. Is that so wrong? I mean, I know she’s struggling a bit with the whole Enby thing, but it’s all in her head. She’ll come around, I’m sure of it.” They paused. “I don’t think I’ve met anyone before that made me smile just by breathing.”

“That’s nice,” said Ellie, aware that sounded slightly pathetic. “I mean, I’m happy for you both. I really am.”