Page 58 of Last Fall

14

ERIK

The Chapter in Which There are Jokes AboutSecondBase

It tookeverything I had to stay on my side of the booth. The fire in her eyes, the anguish. I wanted her in my arms and I wantedhernow.

But I couldn’t do that. And I had a feeling if I tried to comfort her right now she’d rip me to shreds like some sort ofshe-wolf.

So even though it killed me, I stayed frozen right where I was, every muscle locked in place, my heart pounding so hard I thought I was on the verge of a heartattack.

“We were in love. I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He was successful and powerful and he wanted me,”shesaid.

The venom she spoke with almost made me regret pushing her to talk. Almost but not quite. While I really fucking hated seeing her so torn up, I craved this information. My feelings for Zoe grew bigger each day to the point I started wondering if I could control them at all. I needed to know her. All of her. Even these darkparts.

“I was over the moon. Everything was so wonderful and new. I’d never had a real serious relationship so every single part of it was like a shiny new toy. The dates, the romance, moving in together, all of it. The rest of my life was all set and planned out. Lifewasgood.”

Obviously life wasnotgood.

“But you know what?” she spit out the words. “He was a lying, cheating, son of a bitch. I couldn’t reconcile who he was with who Ithoughthe was, and even worse? I couldn’t believe that someone like me would fall for someone like him. I think my brain actually broke for a few days after I found out—just long enough for him to realize I would have no choice but to leave. Something he couldn’t have. Because in his fucked up world, he needed me. I was his pretty little doll. I made him look good. He wanted a picture perfect life with a picture perfect wife. Thank god I nevermarriedhim.”

The caveman part of my brain roared to life. The idea she might have been married to another man...I meant what I said at dinner. It wouldn’t change how I felt towards her, but damn did I hatetheidea.

“My days freaking out gave him just enough time to formulate the perfect plan. And stupid me fell for it.” She took a deep breath and began massaging her forehead. “I spent years trying to fix us, all while he manipulated me. I was supposed to be smarter than this, but I wasn’t. In the end things got ugly and violent and I had no choice but to leave with a couple of boxes. I didn’t say goodbye and I haven’t spoken to Tonysince.”

She didn’t provide many details, not that I could handle them right now anyway, but she gave me the big picture. An idea of what she’d been through and what droveheraway.

“You’re not stupid, Zoe.” I really couldn’t take her saying that again.Stupid.She said it repeatedly along withI was supposed to besmarter.

She glared at me, her anger turning her face red. God, how I wanted to smooth back her hair and make her smileagain.

“He knew he could intimidate me and he used that to his advantage. And Ilethim.”

“That makes you human, Zoe. It’s normal to be frightened of someone bigger and stronger than you. Especially if they arethreateningyou.”

Not everyone was a big scary ballplayer who could puff up his chest and frighten away the bad guy. Soft, sweet women like Zoe and Belle, their first instinct would be to protect themselves, to survive, notfightback.

At least not at first. I was pretty sure they’d both spit nails at anyone who tried to hurt them everagain.

“So there,” she shook her head, “now you know more thananyone.”

“Thank you.” She didn’t have to tell me anything. It was a gift. “I genuinely appreciate you trusting me with yourstory.”

Her shoulders liftedslightly.

“I want to know more,” I admitted. “When you trustmemore.”

Doubt shone in her eyes. “We’llsee.”

Noseeingabout it. “I also want to make it clear I don’t intimidate people. I’m a defense kind of guy. You mess with mine, I’ll mess withyours—”

“I getitnow.”

Did she? I had my doubts considering she was still sitting so far away with what felt like an ice-cold wall between us. “I’m big. I’m scary when I want to be. Your worries are so incrediblyjustified,Zoe.”

She softened just a little bit. “Everything’s different.” She looked away. “Everything.I’mdifferent. I’ll never be that naïve girl again. And if something were to happen between you and me, that would bedifferenttoo.”

She was working through a lot of things so I didn’t interrupt. Whatever realizations she was having, I wanted her to have them. Understand them. And then just be with mealready.