Page 21

I am so fucked.
What the fuck, Shay? Why are you trying to go down this road again?Tempting Damian, for what? He’s not interested.
I’m back in my room, having left Derek, Jeremy, and Veronica in the living room while I change out of my bathing suit. I pull on a pair of leggings and a cropped sweater that lands just above my navel. I’m taking my hair down out of my bun just as the door opens and Veronica comes in drinking a glass of wine that I’m sure she’ll regret in the morning after all the alcohol she’s already consumed tonight.
“Okay, so what happened? I assume you don’t want to discuss anything around them.” She hitches a thumb over her shoulder to refer to Derek and Jeremy.
“Nothing! Oh my God, V, we were just talking,” I tell her.
She narrows her eyes, her eyebrows pinching together and a smile slowly slides across her red-painted lips. “I meant between you and your boyfriend you just broke up with? Not your bodyguard, but let’s put a pin in Paxton for a second because you’re clearly thinking about Damian if that’s where your mind went.”
Fuck.
“Sorry, I thought you meant—”
“Yes, I’m aware that’s what you thought. What I’m wondering iswhy.” Even though I’m sure she’s consumed a slew of drinks, I know she’s not going to let this go. The alcohol will probably make her more annoyingly relentless.
“I don’t know. He’s been more protective than usual and this whole thing with Paxton just has me feeling, I don’t know, insecure?” I let out a breath as I prepare to tell Veronica what happened. “Knowing he fucked every woman in Hollywood?”
“Whoa, what?” Her hazel eyes widen in shock.
“He’s fucked multiple women. The one I caught him with is just one of many. He couldn’t give me an exact number.”
She chokes on her wine. “What the fuck? He said that?”
“Yep,” I tell her popping the p. “If that gets out…” I let out a breath. “My God, I can already see the articles. I’m bad in bed. I’m a prude. I don’t give head. I really am the girl next door.” I tick off the reasons on my fingers. Disgust washes over me over how crude the tabloids can be. “If he’d fallen for some other woman that’s one thing, but him fucking everything in a skirt will become me not being able to keep him satisfied or whatever the fuck.”
“Or that he’s a serial cheater and a fucking asshole,” she argues.
“Right, but you and I both know that won’t be the only story.” I sigh angrily. “I’ve worked so hard to stay out of the drama. I’m not messy and I mind my business and yet here I am in the middle of my first heartbreak that has the ingredients to become a PR nightmare.”
“I am shocked he’s been able to fly under the radar about this for so long. Surely someone had to have talked. My god, was he issuing NDAs while she was still coming down from her orgasm?”
I roll my eyes and the petty words leave my mouth like a reflex. “Right, like she came.”
Veronica’s eyes widen as she giggles. “Oooh. Really now? You always talked about how great the sex was?”
“Women tell all kinds of lies when they’re in love,” I say in the most dead-panned tone with an expression to match. “I’d give it a six out of ten.”
“Ah a D for the D.” She giggles.
I sigh and make my way towards the door hoping she won’t circle back to her question about Damian. I don’t have any answers for her because I barely have answers for myself.
Yes, I’m attracted to him and I’d purposefully put on my tiniest bikini and strutted around him like I was presenting food to a starving man. Yes, I’ve always had a tiny crush on him that’s never gone away.
That’s it. He’s made it clear that nothing can ever happen between us.
But tonight…
We make it to the bottom steps where I see Damian standing in front of my door, staring down at his phone. His eyes immediately flit to me, and in the brief moment before his eyes move behind me to Veronica, I could have sworn he was looking at me differently. Like maybe heshouldn’tbe looking at me.
It’s nearing two in the morning. Jeremy just left and Derek and Veronica have just escaped to their bedroom to “sleep,”but Veronica is not quiet and I can already tell they’re doing anything but sleeping.I’m sitting on my couch, finishing up the last bit of wine from the bottle that Veronica opened when the familiar sounds of the porno movie being shot in my guest room right now reminds me that I haven’t had sex in quite some time.And also, that I definitely do not want to listen to that.
It’s been over a month since Paxton and I had sex, and to my knowledge, it was for no other reason than geography.In light of new events, who the fuck knows.
But I like sex.A lot.Even when I didn’t come,which happened more often than I would have liked,I still loved the intimacy of sex. Touching. Tasting. The moans and how slick and wet everything becomes as you glide against each other.
Fuck, I am horny.