Page 42

"I love looking at old stuff," she declared as she began to descend.

"Are you going to read those now?" Jade asked, as she handed me the letters.

"Not right now," I said.

"They're private. She should read through them by herself," Star declared with understanding, and poured everyone a cup of hot chocolate. I thanked Misty for getting the letters. She started to take the ladder out but Star told her to just leave it there and have her hot chocolate first before it got cold.

"You're the one who wanted it in the first place. The ladder's not in our way or anything," she said. "Not that anyone's going to complain anyway," she added.

Once more I couldn't help but think about Geraldine raging about not putting things back where they belonged. I even looked to the doorway as if I expected to see her come storming in at any moment. I couldn't help feeling as if everything we had done had been only a dream after all.

The girls were quiet, watching me, sipping their hot chocolate and shifting their gazes from me to each other. "What do we do now?" Misty finally asked.

"Go home and come back first thing

tomorrow," Star said.

"What about, Cat?" Misty asked, nodding at me. "We can't just leave her here."

"You can come home with me, if you like," Jade suggested.

"Or me," Misty said.

"I can't compete with the Beverlies, but you can come to my little shack, too," Star said.

I looked from one to the other. If I chose one, would the others feel bad? Did they all expect I would choose Jade because she had the biggest, most luxurious house? Jade certainly looked like she expected that. If I didn't go home with her, would she be terribly disappointed?

"I'm too tired to go anywhere," I said. "I'll be all right."

"Are you sure?" Misty asked, her lips twisted into a frown. She looked around the room as if to add, "How can you want to stay here now?"

"Yes," I said. "I'll just do what I always do: go up to my room, close the door and go to sleep. I've got to be able to do it or none of this will work. I can't expect one of you to stay with me every night."

The girls looked at each other.

"Maybe I can stay tonight," Star suggested.

"No, don't get yourself into any trouble on my ac- count," I said.

Jade's laugh was more like a high-pitched cry.

"Are you kidding? Now you say that? We just dug a grave in the backyard and put your dead sister in it," she said.

"That's great," Star said, practically leaping across the table at her. "Make her feel like it was only her who decided to do it."

"I don't mean that, but--"

"Then don't keep bringing it up."

"I'm not! Did I even mention it before this? I've been trying to forget it. I don't know how I can sleep tonight?'

"You sure know how to say the right things, don't you?" Star shot back at her and rolled her eyes at me.

"I'm sorry. I mean..."

"Maybe we're all just very tired," Misty suggested gently.

"Yeah, maybe," Star agreed. "All right.I'll get here as soon as I can tomorrow."