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If I didn't do what he wanted, he would call the police himself and all of us would be in big trouble. I could envision even the girls wondering if I hadn't been the one to put the poison in Geraldine's jar of herbal remedies. At minimum there would be significant enough suspicion to have a long and painful investigation. All of them would be in big trouble and now, when they were all having such a good time finally. Larry might change his mind about marrying Star. David would certainly stop seeing Jade, and Misty would lose her new boyfriend, too. All this would happen, not to mention it would wrench their families' lives even further apart than they were.

Just thinking about Star's granny, how kind she had been to me and how fragile she was, made me shudder at the possibilities. How much were they supposed to bear? Their own problems had ruptured their relationships and their home lives. They didn't need mine, too.

I had no real choice. I had brought them into all this. I couldn't be selfish and cause them all this grief. It was too late to think about myself anymore. I had given that up when I had called Jade and told her Geraldine was dead. I should have called the police immediately. Should have, could have, hindsight, the moans and groans of the guilty and stupid, Geraldine used to say. "When you're drowning because you were careless or foolish, wrap an excuse around yourself and see how long it keeps you floating."

She was right. It was too late for excuses. None would keep me from drowning.

Leaning heavily on my crutches to pull myself up, I rose and started toward the stairs, walking, I'm sure, like some convict heading for the electric chair. Visions of my future made me numb. I was

mechanical, taking one step after another, holding onto the railing as I ascended. When I got to my room and gazed around, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to take.

For a few seconds, I contemplated suicide. I could go into the bathroom, lock the door, cut my wrists and put them in a sink filled with hot water. Maybe before he got the door opened I would die. But then what? Would the girls be safe? He would be free to say whatever he wanted, wouldn't he? He would tell the police I couldn't live with what I and the girls had done. They might even pity him, not me, not us!

All I could come up with finally was the hope that if I gave myself some time, I might think of something. For now, there was nothing to do but follow his orders. I filled a small overnight bag with necessities. Before I was finished, he came charging up the stairs.

"How we doing?" he asked, his face flushed with excitement.

"I don't know what to take along," I said.

"Don't worry about it. We can come back from time to time and get whatever you want." He clapped his hands together, rubbing the palms as he walked into my room and looked at everything, smiling.

"I like the changes you made: new curtains, bedding, pictures, but wait until you see the houseboat. It's luxurious, everything Geraldine hated and thought opulent or ostentatious. I've got oak cabinets and paneling, with solid oak trim throughout, chrome faucets in the bath- rooms, a Sub-Zero refrigerator, a deluxe sound system, big screen television set." He laughed. "She thought she knew where all my money was, but I was smart," he added, pointing to his temple with his right forefinger. "I envisioned this day would come and I stashed money in places she couldn't ever find. She thought she was so perceptive when it came to that, checking on every penny. That was her biggest trouble- thinking she was smarter than me in every way."

He saw I was just standing there staring at him and he blinked and glanced once more at the room. Then he laughed.

"What the heck did you girls do with our bedroom? What's that supposed to be in there, huh?" He brought his face closer to mine. "Is something weird going on here, something you want to tell me?"

"No, nothing weird. It was our meditation room, where we went to calm down and think and be ..."

"What?"

"Together," I said. He'd never understand what MP meant, and he might even get angry, I thought.

"Right. Well, you won't need that sort of thing anymore. Let's get going," he said. "I want to get some things from the garage. I'll meet you outside."

He left and I gazed at the clock. The girls would be here in less than an hour now and they wouldn't find me. What would they do? I wondered

and it occurred to me that they might do something that would get them into trouble. I had to leave them a note. I was positive they would go around back to get into the house so that would be the best place to leave it. Not sure what to say, I started to write.

Dear Jade, Star, and Misty,

I'm sorry I can't continue with things the way they are. I'll be all right if you all would simply concentrate on yourselves now and find happiness. Please just turn and walk away and forget everything. Don't come back to the house. Don't try to call me or find me. I love you all and appreciate everything you've all done for me, but now it's time for you to do things for yourselves and your own families. Please, please, please, for my sake, do what I ask.

Love always, Cat

It was the first time I had ever signed my name like that. It brought tears to my eyes. I quickly folded the note and headed downstairs. I could hear him opening and closing cabinets in the garage, so I made my way back to the kitchen, found Scotch tape in the drawer where it was kept and taped the note to the outside of the back door. I put the tape on doubly thick to be sure the wind wouldn't blow it off.

"Cathy?" I heard him call.

I closed the door softly. If he found the note, he would be angry, I thought. Almost tiptoeing, I returned to the front of the house. He was at the front door.

"Where were you?"

"I was very thirsty, so I got a drink of water," I said. He stared, his eyes darkening with suspicion.

"Did you call someone?"

"No," I said quickly.