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“Yeah!” I agree. “He called you first before calling me?” Without another thought, I answer it, forcing a smile to my face so I’ll sound like I’m in a good mood. “Hello? Oh, heyyyyy! Yeah, just at home... Tonight?”

I glance at Mariah, whose eyes widen to say,What?

I return her wide-eyed stare.I know, right?

Mariah glares.The nerve!

I roll my eyes in agreement.What a dickhead!

“Sorry, I can’t tonight,” I say into the receiver. “I have to be up super early tomorrow, but I’m sure we can figure out another time. I’m just off to bed now.” I make all the excuses I need to hustle the conversation along until I can finally hang up, both Mariah and I bursting out with expletives.

“That two-timing—”

“—lying scumbag of a—”

“—fuckboy player!”

Mariah and I seethe, then simultaneously gulp down the rest of our wine.

“Seriously.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Who does that? He really should be taught a lesson.”

“Agreed.” Mariah nods. “Men—sorry—peoplewho lie and manipulate others to get into their beds are the worst. Who knows how many women he’s hurt in the past? How many more he’ll harm?”

“Since we know about it, we should do something about it.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s basically a moral obligation at this point.”

“Totally.”

“If we don’t do something about it,” I say, getting louder, more passionate, “then who will? He’ll go on thinking this is okay, that there aren’t repercussions for being a lying, cheating bastard.”

She raises her empty glass to me. “Preach, sister.”

I stand and raise my glass in the air. “This isn’t just about us. This is about women, everywhere, who have been lied to, cheated on, and fucked with.”

“Hallelujah.” Mariah goes to drink more wine, then pauses, noting her empty glass.

“We gotta teach him a lesson,” I continue, pacing.

Mariah fetches the half-empty bottle, then refills her glass. “Mmm-hmm.”

“We gotta—” I look to the TV, my attention caught by the two goons falling into one of Kevin McCallister’s traps. I snap my fingers and point to the screen. “That’s it!”

“What?” she asks, pausing her pour.

“WeHome Alonehim!”

Mariah shakes her head slowly, confused. “What?”

I sit on the couch, so close to Mariah I’m practically on her lap. “We’ll set up traps and pranks and make his life miserable!”

She hesitates. “I don’t know...”

“Come on,” I plead. “It will be fun. A few harmless pranks. We can’t really let him get away with this, can we?”

Mariah considers this for a moment, then nods. “You’re right. He can’t go on thinking this is okay to do. And, honestly, revenge sounds pretty good at this point.”