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We finish coiling the lights, our hands meeting, fingers grazing one another’s. My gaze meets hers, and I give my head a subtle shake, my throat thickening. “No. I wouldn’t.”

We lean toward one another, her eyes darting down to my lips, and—

Her phone rings. She blinks a few times, as if clearing her head,then steps away to grab it off the kitchen counter and answer it. “Hey Blaire! Oh, they already contacted you? That’s great!”

She stays on the phone for another minute or two, then hangs up and squeals, her whole upper body curling into a ball.

I set the bundle of lights into a box and step up to the peninsula. “What’s up?”

Ellie twists toward me, her face bright and shining. “It’s happening for real! Marlene and Yueyi spoke with my agent, Blaire, and I’ll get to star with Jack Winstron and I’ll really be the main character this time! I can’t believe I get to be the main character, I’m always the side character, the quirky best friend, the neighbour, the barista, woman at church number two, and...” She trails off, as if losing steam. “What’s wrong?”

I blink. “Hmm?”

“You look sad.” Ellie tilts her head to the side and sticks out her bottom lip.

“What! No. This is just my face.” I turn my frown as upside down as I can.

Ellie purses her lips. “I’ve been staring at your face a lot these past two weeks. I know what it looks like when you’re happy.”

I come around to her and take her hands in mine, our matching bracelets tinkling together. “I’m happy for you. This is a big moment and you’ve worked so hard for it. I just wish...” I bite my lip, unsure which emotion to pick first. I wish we had more time together. I wish our goals were more in line with each other’s. Mostly I wish she’d think about how important she is to me. She’s the main character inmylife.

But maybe that doesn’t count.

Ellie gives my hands a squeeze. “I know,” she says, though I’m not sure she does. “This isn’t a goodbye forever. It’s just a goodbye for now.”

It doesn’t feel that way.

“I have to get ready for work and pack,” I say.

Ellie nods, releasing my hands. “I have to get all this stuff back in my car.”

I look around, unsure if that’s possible. “Good luck.”

We part ways, her heading back to the living area and me going to the bathroom to shower. I eye our toothbrushes side by side at the sink, my shampoo bottles next to hers, her underwear piled on the floor with my bra. It makes my heart ache. I was so close to having it all. Life can be such a tease.

As I clean myself up and get ready, I come to terms with the fact that this is the end for us, despite Ellie’s good intentions and bright words. For two people working in the film industry, our lives are going in completely opposite directions. Maybe today we can pretend we’ll cross paths in the future, if only to ease these next few hours. Then, after we’re finished filming this final day, after I’ve gone home and I’m done packing my apartment and telling my landlord he can list it on Airbnb for the remainder of my lease, when I’m in my car and I’m sitting at the Peace Arch Border Crossing and it’s real, that’s when I’ll let all of this sink in. I’ll play some sad songs on the road trip down to California, watch the sun sparkle off the bracelet on my wrist, and cry it all out before starting fresh in LA.

My time with Ellie will be a magical Christmas memory, one that I’ll never be able to match. Now wheneverHome Alonecomes on TV or “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”plays on the radio or I even see red and green twinkling lights it will remind me of her, of how close to perfect everything was, and how it will never be again.

Another reason to hate that time of year.

Once my hair and makeup are done I gather my items from the bathroom and move to the bedroom to dress and pack. By the time I’m ready to go, wheeling my travel luggage behind me, the living room is bare and the boxes are stacked by the door. It all feels so... wrong.

I go outside and find Ellie stuffing a box in her trunk. After loading my luggage into my own car I help her with the boxes.

We stand outside, the morning already hot with an intenseJuly sun and a cloudless blue sky. “You need a ride into town?” I ask.

Ellie shakes her head. “No. Probably best I take my own car since we’re both heading out right after.”

“Right. Of course.” I bite my lip, wishing I had the extra twenty minutes with her for the drive. “Guess I’ll see you there.”

“Yup. See you soon. I gotta go jump in the shower, so—”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you on set.”

Despite us both needing to leave, we stand there for several more beats. Finally, I tear myself away and hop in the driver’s seat of my car, turning the engine over. I watch through the rear-view mirror as Ellie walks away and heads back into the cabin.

My heart feels like it weighs a thousand pounds as I pull away and the cabin disappears behind me, lost in the forest, never to be seen again. The drive into Chilliwack is similarly heavy, with all of my memories of the past mingling with the present, giving me yet another reason to leave this city and never return.