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That’s all? No way. It was never like that when it came to Johnny. There was always more when it came to him. Alyssa chewed her lip, contemplating what to do. She was trying desperately to keep it platonic between them.

“Or not …” he trailed off.

“Oh, it’s not that I don’t want to …”

“Then what is it?”

Her cheeks flamed and she turned away. She was scared. “It’s just that I like having my friend back,” she said softly. “I’m trying to keep this strictly nonphysical, but you’re not making it easy on me. Believe me, I want to kiss you, but I’m nervous about what it will bring on. I just don’t know if I can …”

John sat up, tugging Alyssa closer to him. “Then I’ll kiss you, because honey, it’s killing me not to.” Threading his fingers through the hairs at her nape, John pulled Alyssa’s face down. He closed the distance with his lips, not wasting another minute. Softly he grazed, tugging at her bottom lip and nibbling. John ran his tongue across the top of her lip, tasting her sweetness. He needed more. John wanted to give her a real kiss, one that would leave her breathless for more and throw the friendship shit out of the window. It’d been months since they’d had a real kiss and he had been craving her more every day.

Tightening his grip on her neck, John deepened the kiss with a flick of his chin. When she whimpered and parted her lips, he used the opening and tangled her tongue with his and sealed the kiss. They both held still as they kissed so deep it was felt down to the bone. It was full of heart stopping passion. Full of heat. Their connection had always been intense. The kisses so explosive they lead to more.

Slowly they kissed, moving in sync with one another. Alyssa moaned into John’s mouth and his cock twitched. Sweet Jesus. She slid a leg over his waist, never breaking the contact and gripped both sides of his face. Her mouth picked up speed, devouring him like it was her last day on earth and she needed his very air to live. She began slowly rocking into him and it was John’s turn to groan. He fisted her hair tighter, their tongues danced dangerously on the edge, pushing for more but not taking it. John couldn’t get enough. His hand slid down to the small of her back, pressing her into him where she rolled her hips. He widened his legs, allowing Alyssa to sink into him, wanting to feel that sweet part of her body against his. When she did, she froze and broke the kiss.

Swollen lips and out of breath, she said, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” If she didn’t stop they would’ve ended up having sex. And sex was not on her to-do list right now.

He pressed his forehead to hers. “Sorry for what? Stopping?”

“I haven’t felt like that since …” she squeezed her eyes shut trying to ignore the ache below.

“Since when?”

“It’s nothing.”

“You know I can tell when you’re lying to me, right? Your eyes change colors, like a mask slides down. You look vacant.”

When she didn’t respond, he removed Alyssa from his lap. “I should go.” John stood and looked Alyssa directly in the eyes. He adjusted his pants trying to find room for his erection.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen, and I’m sorry it did. I just wanted to bring you the good news. See you later.”

Pain spread through Alyssa’s body. The air was sucked from her lungs. He’s sorry for the kiss and didn’t mean for it to happen? How could he say that knowing how fragile she was? Her heart pounded in her chest at John’s words. The words hurt badly.

She wasn’t holding back because she didn’t want him, she was holding back for reasons she wasn’t ready to admit yet.

John walked over to his little cupcake to say goodbye, but she was already sleeping. He blew her a kiss then turned around to face a heartbroken Alyssa. Her face was drawn, emotions so easy to read that it cut right through him. He meant what he told her, that it was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened. Because every time it happened he wanted more but was always shot down. John was doing the best he could and knowing she wanted to be only friends only made it worse. He shouldn’t have asked for the kiss, but he couldn’t stop himself either. He wanted her like always.

Walking past her, he said, “I gotta get back to base. See you later, Alyssa.” John was out the front door before she could respond.

It would be a week before he contacted her again. She was hurting, but so was he. All John wanted to do was be there for her, but how could he when she wouldn’t let him in? She gave him bits and pieces and then would close right off only for him to start again. He was going in circles, and quite frankly he was getting tired of it.

Pick up … Pick up … Pick up …

“FUCK!” John yelled, punching his black leather steering wheel. His fists rebounded and he punched it one more time. This time he felt his knuckle slide and separate.

Where the hell was she! Why wasn’t she answering her phone?

John had thought it would be a nice surprise to show up at Alyssa’s job to break the ice. He missed her. They hadn’t spoken very much over the past two weeks and he was having withdrawals.

He hated this. He needed to make it right.

Things had been going much smoother between them even with her reluctance to let him in, and he couldn’t fault her for it, but damn did it hurt like a bitch. Why was he the one who always wanted more?

He had to give her time, that’s what he kept telling himself. That, and put a smile on her face every chance he could and be there for Brooke as much as he could.

What else could he do? Breaking her down with his kisses clearly wasn’t getting him anywhere.

John sped down the street to her apartmen