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“I don’t ever want you to assume thatbecause we did something like this, I expect intercourse inreturn,” he went on. “Believe me, I would have no problem jerkingmyself off and thinking about this.”
“But it wouldn’t feel right to me.” Istopped to collect my thoughts. “No, not that it wouldn’t feelright. It wouldn’t feel complete to me. If I’ve done a good job,then I should get to take your cock, right?”
He grinned down at me. “If that’s the wayyou see it, who am I to argue?”
I craned my neck up to kiss him. Knowingwhat I wanted, he slipped a hand behind my head to relieve thestrain on my neck and leaned down, his mouth covering mine. It wasa deep, thorough kiss, but a brief one. He raised his head andsaid, “You need that water. And the painkillers and a shower. Dothat, and I’ll reward you with my cock.”
I got to my feet, still shaky, and he roseand gave me as much support as he could while balancing with hiscane. We went into the bathroom, rather than back to ourbedroom.
Ourbedroom. What a weird sentence tothink.
The facilities in the guest room were noless lush than upstairs. The glass-fronted shower had the standardoptional rainfall head in the ceiling and the alternate detachablehead against the wall. Plus, there was a bench, a feature I wasgrowing fond of. It made shaving so much easier than CaptainMorgan-ing on the edge of the tub at home.
Since I was already naked, I limped into theroom-sized, tiled space and sank onto the wooden bench. Matt leanedin and turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature while Iscooted away from the initial rush of cold water. Then, he disrobedhimself and came in to join me.
Generally, I tried not to stare at Matt whenhe was walking, but I had a strange compulsion to study him now.Without his cane, he walked slowly, carefully, testing out hisbalance on the slick tile. The scars from his surgery and thejagged lines where the bear had ripped open his leg were darkpurple and shiny. There was no pattern in nature I could liken themto; they were somewhere between lightning and a gnarled tree.
He caught me staring, and the corner of hismouth twitched. “I know. I’m walking like an elderly man.”
“An elderly man?” I snorted. “That’s notwhat I was thinking.”
“It’s what I was thinking.” He made his wayover to the bench and lowered himself awkwardly to sit besideme.
“I was looking at your scars,” I admitted.“I was trying to figure out what they remind me of.”
“They remind me of the time a bear attackedme,” he said with a grim downturn of his mouth. “Can I bevulnerable for a second?”
My heart leapt. I hadn’t realized how muchthe idea of emotional intimacy would excite and terrify me. I wasglad he was going first. I nodded solemnly and waited for him tocollect his thoughts.
He sighed and leaned his head back on theshower wall. “I know I’m supposed to think positive and not beashamed of having a disability. But there are times I wish I couldpick you up and fuck you against the wall.”
“I wouldn’t want you to do that in here,anyway.” I tapped my toes in the droplets of water collecting nearour feet. “The danger of slipping. That would be a superembarrassing reason for the paramedics to have to come.”
“Our paramedics have seen worse,” he saidwith a half-smile. Then, sitting up straighter, he changed thesubject. “Did you have a good time, princess?”
I couldn’t answer him at first. I was toobusy being shocked at how easily he’d gone from open and sharing tototally in control again.
His brow furrowed. “If there was somethingyou didn’t like—”
“No, that’s not my…” I waved my hand in theair. “you did a one-eighty from who you were out there, and thencompleted the three-sixty like two sentences later. It threwme.”
He flinched. “I’m so sorry. That wasn’t coolof me.”
“It wasn’t uncool. Just confusing. You’regood at playing a character, I guess.”
“When we do something like this,” he began,leaning forward and angling himself to face me, “we are playingroles, and it can take time to come down. I shouldn’t talk to youabout my heavy feelings right after we’ve finished. Your emotionsand well-being have to be my primary concern.”
I didn’t tell him that it was okay and Iunderstood, because I didn’t think I was part of that particulardiscussion he was having with himself. Instead, I told him, “I knowwhat you mean about playing roles. At first, I felt like Charlotteplaying a silly game. Then, I did feel like that princess in thestory you told me over the phone that night. And it feltreallygood to make my dragon happy.”
He grinned. “I knew it.”
I tilted my head.
“I knew you had a praise kink.” He boopedthe end of my nose with his finger.
I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. “Yeah.A praise kink. Because I’m so needy for your approval.”
“I never said that.” He turned serious. Tooserious for my liking. “I don’t think you want to hear anythingpositive about yourself, from anyone. Even me.”