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“Oh, good. Then you’re aware that I’m alsoable to love you—”
“If your cock is in someone else, yeah. Goesboth ways. We’re on the same page there.” I bit my lip.“Romantically, though, are you…”
He shrugged. “I’ve never been in an actualpoly relationship. I’ve definitely had group friends with benefits.And I do a Thursday-night circle jerk in New York.”
I couldn’t help my huge, loud laugh. “That’sa thing?”
“It’s an amazing stress reliever. I gettogether with a few of my more open-minded guy friends, have acouple beers, bitch about our week, and then…circle up and watcheach other jerk off.” The matter-of-fact way he described it, likeit was a book club, only made it funnier.
“I’m sorry, I…” I wiped tears of laughterfrom my eyes. “I had no idea that was even a thing people do.”
“It’s cheaper than therapy.” He paused. “Ido therapy too. That’s one of those things that I’m not willing togive up.”
“Therapy, or jacking off in a room full ofguys?” I joked, and before he could answer, I clarified, “I’mkidding. I’m fine with both.”
“When we’re out in the real world, though,where people aren’t vetted and providing medical records? Safetywith partners required, okay?” he asked, fully serious. “Anddisclosure. If you want to fuck other people, I don’t care. But Ihave to know you’re going to be safe, and I have to know it’shappening.”
“Always,” I swore, and held up my hand withmy pinkie finger raised.
He linked his around mine and we shook onit.
“Romantically, though?” He went back to theother part of the question. “I’m not sure how I would feel if youfell in love with someone else, and I had to share you. It might bedifferent if we were both in love with the same person, but… I’mnot sure I would seek it out.”
“Then it’s you and me until further notice,”I agreed.
“Until seven days after we get to New York,right?”
It didn’t sound like a joke, now.
I laid my head on his chest again, listeningfor a moment to the beat of his heart under my ear. And the gurglesfrom the ice cream, which made me smile, until I remembered that myinability to accept love was actively hurting him.
“I’m trying,” I whispered.
He took my hand and raised it to his lips,brushing them along the backs of my fingers. “I know.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.”
“I know,” he emphasized. “The amount ofimportance we both place on trust correlates to the trauma havingour trust broken in the past has caused us.”
“That’s not your original idea.” I walked myfingertips over his pecs. “That’s from therapy.”
“It is,” he confirmed. “So it’s coming fromsomeone smarter and more qualified than I am. I want you to be ableto trust that I love you. But you had a big shock in childhood thatmade you question the people you love and who were closest to you.I can’t hold it against you if you’re not ready to jump off aproverbial ledge with me.”
I lifted my head. “You know what?”
He raised an eyebrow in question.
“That goes a long way toward making me trustyou. I don’t like to be rushed,” I answered.
He squinted at me incredulously. “You gaveme a seven-day deadline to prove my love, andyoudon’t liketo be rushed?”
I batted my eyes at him. “I never said thedeadline couldn’t be extended.”
“All right, that’s it.” He wrapped his armsaround me tight and sat up. I squealed and pushed at him, but hewas far stronger.
And I wasn’t serious about escaping him.
CHAPTER FOUR