Page 107

Poetic. Not realistic.Beingrealistic sucked.
“Would you agree that for now, while we’reapart, we don’t have sex with other people?” He winced. “God, thatsounds so needy.”
I almost wept with relief. “No, it doesn’t.At all. I wanted that. I was afraid to ask but—Oh, that shouldn’tapply to your circle jerk. You need that. For stress.”
“We don’t have sex with each other, anyway,”he assured me. “There are a lot of straight guys there and you knowhow they get.”
“Right.” I laughed nervously. “This isn’tforever.”
“I hope it’s not.” His eyes roamed over myface, like he was trying to scan a perfect 3D image of me. “I loveyou, Charlotte. I know you think that’s impossible. But I love you.Whatever you need from me, you can always ask.”
“Thanks.”
His phone chimed. He took it from his pocketand glanced at it. “The car is here.”
I took a breath that sounded more like agasp. “This is it, then.”
“Don’t say it like that,” he said softly.“Please don’t. Even if you’re lying to me right now and you have nointention of seeing me again, let me pretend it’s see you later andnot goodbye.”
Somehow, I managed to smile at him. I put myhand on his cheek—the impulse to throw my arms around him andapologize for even considering leaving was so strong—and said, “Itissee you later. I’m going to have to come back and visitmy clothes.”
“Right.” He laughed and put his hands in hispockets. “Well… I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid if I do, I’lldrag you back to the bedroom and exhaust you until you’rephysically unable to leave.”
I looped my arms around his neck and said,“Don’t say that or I might let you,” before rising up on the ballsof my feet to bring our mouths together.
There was nothing soft or romantic about ourkiss. It was desperate, clinging. Mournful. He kissed me like hewas about to put me on the last available lifeboat. Like he knew,deep down, that it was the very last time.
It can’t be, I told myself firmly.I cannot run this time. Please, don’t run this time.
I pulled back and didn’t try to disguise mytears. “I’m not going to screw this up for us.”
“I know you’re not,” he whispered. “That’swhy you’re going.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“I will do anything for you,” he swore.“Anything you need me to do to make this work, I’ll do it. For aslong as it will take.”
“I know.”
But I didn’t. And that’s why I had toleave.
I pushed the button to open the elevator andstepped on. “I’ll call you when I get in.”
“I love you,” he said as the doors began toclose.
“I love you, too.”
It’s not final. You can press that buttonright there and call it all off. That’s all it takes. A press ofthat “open doors” button.
No. There had to be a moment where there wasno turning back, and this one was as good as any. I held in mytears until the doors completely closed, then let them fall.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
(Matthew)
My apartment had never seemed empty before.Not like it did now that Charlotte had left.
I called the office and said I wouldn’t becoming to work. It was okay, since I owned the company, but I feltlike a jackass going back for a single day after my long absence,only to stay at home with a broken heart right away.