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“It was the truth.” She shrugged off thepain as if I could possibly believe that she was fine with what I’dsaid. “You’re right. Your father did let a lot of people get awaywith disrespecting me.”
“And look at you now. A whole weekend ofpeople fawning over you. The same families that rejected you backwhen you and Dad were first married are dying to be seen with you.It’s possible.” I wanted it to be possible. I needed it to bepossible, because I needed Charlotte.
At the same time, did I truly need mymother’s social circle to give a damn about Charlotte? Couldn’t webe happy together, without worrying about either of them?
That aspect of my life had always felt likea prison. One that everyone constantly told me they would love tobe locked up in. I had everything, and I was ungrateful for it. Iwould never know how the real world worked.
I’d heard all of that for as long as I’dknown how to express my feelings. No one, not even my mother, hadever understood that Iwasaware of my extreme good fortune.I didn’t bemoan being able to indulge my every whim and never thinkabout how much was in my bank account because it would always, nomatter what I wanted, be enough.
That wasn’t the part of my life that Idetested. It was the lack of connection, the constant fear thatsomeone only liked me for my name and the zeroes that cameattached. It was the way generational wealth destroyed a person’sability to understand a world beyond ballrooms and boardrooms, tonot view other people as a means to an end.
I didn’t hate my wealth because I thoughtthere was some nobility in being poor; there wasn’t any nobility inbeing rich either. The thing I hated was being born into a worldwhere money was expected to buy happiness, and if it couldn’t, thatwas ayouproblem.
“I’m saying these things because I know howmuch you care about her,” Mom said gently. “And I don’t thinkyou’re truly aware of all the ways she could get hurt. Ifyou’renot happy in your life, how isshesupposed tobe happy in it?”
I didn’t have an answer.
“Let’s not keep her waiting,” Mom said,effectively closing the conversation. “Just think about what I’vesaid. Not that I’ve ever been able to dissuade you fromanything.”
I rose and leaned down to kiss her forehead.“Happy birthday, Mom.”
“Thank you, dear.” She caught my hand andsqueezed it. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The walk back to the foyer was interminable.I wanted to race to Charlotte, snatch her up in my arms, and kissher until she couldn’t breathe, until I could believe that theconversation with my mother hadn’t bothered me. Instead, when I sawCharlotte, I gestured at the doors and said, “Ready?”
“Yup.” She shot to her feet and practicallyraced me outside.
“You’re eager to leave. Did you finally seethe ghost?” I teased. Being near her loosened the iron bands thathad clamped around my chest. Somehow, sitting in that conservatory,I’d felt like I’d lost her.
She didn’t laugh or admonish me for makinganother joke about it. She dropped into her seat and put on herbelt in silence.
“Everything okay?” I asked as I hit theignition switch.
She nodded and gave me a smile that mighthave convinced someone else. “A little tired. Ready to get back toNew York.”
I pulled away from the house, my feeling ofunease deepening. I blurted, “My mom likes you a lot.”
“Oh?” That perked Charlotte up a bit. “Wereyou talking about me?”
“We were.” I mentally edited everything Momhad said. “She thinks you and I are a good match.”
Not a lie; she’d said we were“suitable.”
“Oh.” Charlotte gave a small, relievedlaugh. “I was worried you were in there getting scolded for my badbehavior.”
“The only bad behavior you engaged in, Iinitiated,” I reminded her. “And I very much enjoyed it.”
“I was worried about…you know. Seeming likeI belonged.” She turned to look out the window as we passed one ofthe meadows. “I never felt like I did, but no one threw me out, soI guess that’s a win.”
I considered her statement. It might becomethe way I evaluated the success of my social interactions from thenon.
“I’m a little peopled out,” she said,repositioning the back of her seat. “Will you mind if I zone out onthe way back?”
“Zone away. As long as you don’t mind somemusic?” The weekend had exhausted me too.
“Go for it.” She closed her eyes, and Islowed the car to fiddle with the touch screen.