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“And I’m cancelling your subscription to Netflix and Hulu.Also, y’all never miss the ones on Ghougle, the Paranormal Dark Web.Don’t think I don’t know that you, Desi, and Fate have been watching all the Vamp Telenovelas on Biteflix.Not to mention, the cop shows on PixiePic+, the medical dramas on CBO Max-Coven Box Office, and those silly ass space dramas on Starburst Prime.”Rolling his eyes and blowing out what felt like the hundredth infuriated breath of the morning, he kept right on going.“I knew it was gonna be trouble when you and the ‘girls’ pushed Auntie Universe into the whole world wide web thing.It took less time to get all those streaming services up and running than for the Celtic goddess and Earth Mother of the harvest, Banbha to grow a good crop of sweet corn.”

“If you’d just give it a try, you would love it.”

Holding up his hands in surrender, Hopper frantically shook his head until his Cousin’s laughter was filling the kitchen, he added, “Reality TV, especially the shows on FUBARTv, look like an unscheduled trip to Hell after Lucifer’s had the weekend off and somebody let the Khaos Demons out to play.”Dizzy from all the back and forth, Hopper brought his head to a screeching halt and kept right on going.“I mean, okay, so I get the baking shows.”Nodding emphatically, he pointed to the oven.“Auntie Uni knows how much I appreciate your love of them, more specifically the results of you watching them.”

“Indeed.”

Stopping his nod before that too made him nauseous, Hopper’s hands got in on the conversation.With both index fingers pointing upward, he wiggled them left then right toward the picture window in the breakfast nook.“But I will never understand walking around naked in the woods with no food or shelter just for shits and giggles.And I have to ask, how in the world did all those poor humans think that Prince Harry would be on a dating show.And…”

“And why they freely choose to be filmed and have their issues aired for all the world to see?”

“Yes!How did you know?”

“Oh, let’s just say you’ve mentioned it a time or two before.”

“Make that more like two million,” A familiar, yet disembodied, voice added with a chuckle.“You seriously need to get on the reality tv train, Cuz.We’re all there and lovin’ every minute.”

“Even Faye?”Hopper gasped.

Head snapping to the right, he locked eyes with the one and only Destiny.There she was, at least from the shoulders up, in all her 4HD technicolor glory on a Magical screen of her own conjuring.Never let it be said that the Omnipotent Brings, those known as the Virtues, didn’t have style, class, and a hole heapin’ load of panache.

“Well, no,” Desi, aka the Omnipotent Being known as Destiny laughed coyly as the image of her smiling face floated from the far side of the room to just over the island.“She was.However, right now, she’s… Well, let’s just say that she’s been a little busy since she and Arawn made the whole Mating thing official.”

“But in all fairness,” Pat chimed in.“Faye was the first and got us all started.”

“There is that.”Desi nodded with a wink.“I mean, let’s be real.It’s hard to say no to my dear Sister.I resisted.I promise I did.I held out as long as I could, but there is just something about watching our humans in their natural habitat, trying to make a career out of being real when they are acting like goofballs that makes me smile.”

“They’re not animals in a zoo!”Hopper yelped, not believing his ears.“They’re living, breathing…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, there CWB,” Desi countered.“Zip your lips and listen up.If you would’ve let me finish, you would know that I was about to say, and seeing them there on Earth, unencumbered by their usual pretense and worry with what others think allows me to better help them, take care of them, and gently nudge them in the right direction.The path that will lead them to their true love.And since…”

“And since when have you ever ‘gently nudged’ anyone?”Hopper snorted.“If what you do is gently nudging then…”

“Be careful what comes out your mouth next, Hopper.”Desi warned, pushing the words through gritted teeth.“I would hate for my bestie Hel to have a bright red baboon’s butt for a Mate, but I’m sure over time she’ll forgive me.”

Leaning closer, the silver of her eyes swirling in a counterclockwise direction that told the whole truth and nothing but the truth.He was half a step from falling over a tall steep cliff into Desi’s Tough Titties Cavern, sinking into her pit of Kick Your Ass Quicksand, and finding himself up Shit Creek without a paddle or a prayer.

But eventhatdidn’t stop him.Oh, no, he’d been playing this game since precisely three hours and twenty-two minutes after he was breathed into existence and introduced to his Cousins.He was an expert–no matter what the ever-growing scoreboard suggested.The Omnipotent Being known as Hope was ready, willing and most definitely able to explain in explicit detail how overbearing and demanding his Cousin could be and was in almost every situation.He had proof–the receipts as the young humans called them–to prove his point, and he was ready to use them.

Thankfully, and as usual, Destiny wasn’t paying attention to anything he had to say and continued as if neither he nor Pat were in the room.“But trust and believe that if you make a conscious choice to insult me, I will turn you into a bright red and super shiny baboon’s behind, then apologize to my bestie for the rest of forever.”Snapping her fingers then making a finger gun and pretending to shoot him with it, she added, “’Cause you know that’s how I roll.”

“Oh, yeah, I know that’s how you roll,” Hopper sarcastically shot back, adding an eye roll to be sure she got the point.

Then picking up the beautifully embossed, totally unnecessary, and utterly infuriating invitation he’d received in the mail the day before, Hopper hammered it against the air between them, punctuating every syllable.“This is how you roll.”The hacking motion of his arm got infinitely more pronounced as he got louder with each word.“You meddle in my love life.You plan parties that I donotwant to attend but have to or you’ll never stop bitchin’ at me.You embarrass me at every turn.You have no boundaries, and you refuse to acknowledge anyone else’s.You never listen.And you always think you always know what’s best for everyone else.You think you…”

“That’s because I do know what’s best for everyone.”

“…know everything about everything, and… Wait!What?”With his tirade coming to an abrupt and jarring halt, Hopper found out what mental whiplash felt like as his Cousin, the Omnipotent Being known as Destiny began to illustrate her point in incredibly specific detail with a pop quiz that almost melted his brain.

“Am I or am I not the Omnipotent Being known as Destiny?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“Am I correct in saying that the simplified definition of Destiny is ‘the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future’?”

All the more irritated because Desi had resorted to using air quotes to make her point, Hopper nonetheless couldn’tand didn’tstop his mouth from taking the lead and responding.“Yes, but that does not…”

“And doesn’t that mean that I am the facilitator of what the Big Four have put into place?”