Page 30
Story: Hel Hath No Fury
Then it hit him.He was still being a huge baby.What the hell?Had Dionysus’s hooch fried his brain?Had that Magical, Mystical elixir of the gods rewired his synapses and left him a blithering idiot?
That had to be it.It was the only explanation.As a matter of fact, it was his story, and he was sticking to it.Shaking his head, he snorted a chuckled and shrugged.
Then grinning at precisely the same moment that his Cousin gave him a wide-eyed glare with a tilt of his head, he freely admitted, “You hit the nail on the head, Cuz.I’ve given youmorethan a lot of shit over the years, but seriously, I speak the God with a capital G honest truth when I say that you make the best biscuits I have ever tasted.And I spent that all those wonderful years in South Texas where those fine and wonderful ladies made theirs over an open fire in an iron skillet.They were heaven sent.So, I know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, and yours are right up there.”
“Thank you, kind sir.”Nodding, Pat smiled.“Now, enough of your stalling.”Pointing at the elegantly embossed invitation, covered in flour, still laying on the counter, he asked, “Any ideas?”
“No,” Hopper flatly stated.“And for your information, I wasn’t stalling.I truly love your biscuits.You know I do.It also doesn’t hurt that all that flour, creamy butter and tart buttermilk mixed together and baked to perfection soaks up the massive amount of Dionysus’s Special Brew sitting like a rock in the pit of my stomach.”
“That’s all on you, Cuz.I told you to…”
“Yep.I remember.You told me to slow down about a hundred times.”
“Mhm.”
“And that’s enough of that hum of recrimination,” Hopper snapped, adding a point of his finger for emphasis.“You were right there with me.”
“But I stopped after we drained the third bottle.”Shaking his head as a knowing smile curled the corners of his mouth, the Omnipotent Being known as Patience, countered, “And you are stalling… You don’t want to talk about the party that you know…”
“Don’t say it.”Holding up his hands in mock surrender, Hopper pushed at the air between them.“Don’t even put that thought out into the universe.We don’t know that it’s…”
“Oh, yes, we do.And you need a plan.”
“From the pep in your tone and the gleam in your eye, I’m guessin’ you’re already scheming.”
“I wouldn’t call it scheming.”Pat pretended to be offended for about half a second, then added with wink, “It’s more like brewing.”He nodded.“Yes, something is brewing.”
“Should I be afraid?”
“No,” Pat snorted.“Not at all.I was just thinking as I was out here…”
“Ripping through my kitchen like the Tasmanian Devil?Trying to tear the cabinets doors off their hinges?”
“I was notripping, nor am I now or have I ever been a Tasmanian Devil.As for your cabinet doors… Well, as the humans say, I’m takin’ the fifth.”Then with a wave of his right hand that would’ve made Vanna White jealous and a smile that rivaled any movie stars’, Pat didn’t miss a beat as he continued.“You, my dear Cousin, have no organizational skills whatsoever.I knew this but had never truly experienced the chaos that is your logic until now.The Dutch oven and sauce pans are where the glasses should be.The iron skillet is in the drawer meant for silverware.Baking pans are where the plates should be, and I still have no clue if you even have any plates that aren’t paper.”Pushing out a loud, extremely exaggerated huff, he added, “And where in all that’s holy are the wooden spoons, spatulas, pancake turners and all the other utensils any normal person has.I just…”
“You don’t get it.”Hopper nodded.“Neither do I, but then again, I don’t cook.”Holding up the index finger of his left hand, he plastered on a goofy smile and teased, “However, I should win awards from my finesse with ordering takeout.I’m freaking amazing, if I do say so myself.”
“And you did.”Once again pointing to the invitation expertly decorated with tasteful flourishes and breathtaking flowers, he maintained, “As I was saying, I have given this a lot of thought, and I think we need to do something different.”
“With regards to the umpteenth party the Dynamic Duo of Fate and Destiny have planned to unite Hel and I?”
“Yep.That.”
“Okay, but…”
“Hear me out.”
“I’m listening, but…”
“Reserving judgement?”
“As always.”
“Okay, Cuz,” Pat winked.“I’m thinkin’ that we…” He motioned between them with the index finger of his left hand.“… just be upfront about it.”Shrugging, he let his shoulders drop then repeatedly lifting one and then the other in a silly kind of dance, he just went for it.“Be ballsy and as brazen as you please.We throw caution to the wind, call up Desi and ask her what’s what?”
“A full-frontal assault?”
“Yes!Exactly!”Holding up the first two fingers on his right hand, he pointed them at his eyes then at Hopper’s.“You’re pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down, and I love it.”
Table of Contents
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