Page 63

Straightening, I choke out a laugh. “I left the file and ran away. I was so embarrassed.”
“That you watched, or that he caught you watching?”
“That he caught me. Because—and I can’t believe I’m admitting this—watching him do…thatwas one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced.” I wrinkle my nose. “I’m going to hell, aren’t I?”
“I don’t think watching your boss masturbate is one of the seven deadly sins. You’re safe. But what’s happened since then? Has he said anything about it?”
“He apologized today and told me it wouldn’t happen again. He said he’d understand if I wanted to find another job.”
“But you don’t want to.”
“No. Is that stupid?”
“Of course not. You’ve told me how great your job is. And I guess as long as you don’t feel threatened by him and can still work with him, then you’re okay. But do you really think that’s as far as it’ll go? You’re attracted to him, and it sounds like he’s attracted to you too. What if he wants more? What ifyoudo?”
“He seemed pretty certain when he said it would never happen again.”
“And you can live with that?”
“Of course. Obviously, there can’t be anything between us. And you’re right—this job is perfect for me. I can pay for Dad’s new treatment, and his homecare nurse is with him right now. I won’t risk all of that on the hope that the crush I have on my boss could be something more.” I shake my head, frustration with myself bubbling over. “I can’t even put my finger on what it is about him that appeals to me so much. He’s gorgeous, yes. But he’s so aloof and controlled. It should be off-putting.”
“Oh, Chloe,” she says, a hint of sadness in her voice. “To be honest, it doesn’t surprise me at all.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were just a kid when your mom left, and you’ve been looking after yourself and your dad ever since. You gave up your dream of being an artist so you could get a sensible job and help support the household. And when your dad got sick, you made looking after him your focus all over again.”
My stomach twists. Of course I did. Anyone in my place would.
“It makes sense. You’ve had the rug pulled out from under you more than once, and it’s only made taking risks feel scarier. You’ve been holding on so tightly for years, trying to keep everything together. It’s no wonder you’re attracted to a man who’s in control. Someone who could take care of you. Older, but not old enough to be a father figure. After all, the last thing youwant is some immature guy who’d expect you to look after him too.”
“That makes me sound awful,” I protest. “Like I’m looking for a sugar daddy.”
“That’s not what I mean. You don’t need someone to pamper you, pay your rent, and treat you like a plaything. You need a man who’ll hold you, make you feel safe—someone who can help you loosen your grip on life a little. Of course a man like Roman King, who exudes control, who can meet every challenge head-on without flinching, who can catch you if you fall, would appeal to you.”
Could that be true? I haven’t been in many relationships, but the men I’ve dated have been my age—usually creative, often flighty types. And clearly, it never worked out with any of them. Not that it ever bothered me much. They always felt like more work than they were worth. Maybe Lola’s right after all.
God, it’s all too much to think about now.
“What do you think will happen when you’re in France?” she asks.
I huff a breath. “Nothing. He said it wouldn’t happen again, and I believe him. Roman’s not the type of man who says things he doesn’t mean.”
“Well,” she says, drawing the word out, “whatever happens or doesn’t happen, just be careful, Chlo. I get how magnetic a man like that must be. But you’re the one who has the most to lose in this situation.”
My stomach sinks. “I know. And believe me, I’m not stupid enough to risk everything for a few stolen moments with a man who’ll never want anything more than that.”
She inhales like she’s gearing up to respond, but she’s interrupted by a deeper voice.
“I’m sorry, I need to go. Jamie’s back, so I’m going to quickly stuff my face before Christopher wakes up. I’m surprised he gaveme this long to chat. Call me after your trip and give me all the details. Please tell me you’re flying first class.”
I smile. No matter what, Lola can always make me do that. “His private jet, actually.”
“Now you’re just trying to make me jealous!”
Laughing, we say our farewells, and then I head back out to the living room to see how Dad and Carol are getting on.
They’re set up at the table where Dad is slowly flipping through one of our old albums and sharing the story behind each photo. For a few minutes I watch him. He looks so much more cheerful than when Susan is here. My heart swells with happiness for him, and with gratitude to Roman. But the moment that second emotion flares hot, I stamp it down.