Page 118

According to Chloe, he called the next morning to apologize for the abrupt ending to their date, even though he wasn’t theone who caused it. I guess that’s what good guys like him do. And yet, I can’t find it within me to regret stealing her from him.
I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’d bring her back here and fuck her all over again if I had to.
“I’m sorry if I’m making this difficult,” she says, eyes scanning mine.
The uncertainty there causes a knife to twist in my gut. I take several steps back, only stopping when I’m leaning against my desk. “Come here.”
She obeys, approaching slowly, but watching me almost warily as she does. I wish I knew what was going through her head. I wish I knew how to reassure her. When she’s close, I wrap my arm around her waist and draw her in until her body is flush against mine.
“Never fucking apologize for looking after your dad. I told you we’ll make this work, and we will.” I trace my finger down the side of her cheek, then grip her chin between my thumb and forefinger and tip her face up to mine. “I didn’t bring you here the other night because I wanted an easy lay,” I say. “Nothing about the two of us together is easy. But I want it anyway. I wantyou.”
I press my lips to hers, sweep my tongue into her mouth. She responds immediately, tangling her fingers in my hair. Despite the need that surges through me, that conjures images of bending her over my desk again, taking her on the couch, or pressing her up against the window, I manage to restrain myself.
As much as I want her, I can’t risk either of our reputations by having her here while there are other people in the surrounding offices. She deserves more than rumors of impropriety and people whispering in the corridors if anyone finds out we’re in here together with the door locked.
When I let her go, her lips are swollen, and her eyes are hazy. I’m so damn hard I’ll probably need to take care of myself in thebathroom after she leaves. But the blue balls are worth it for the wondering look she gives me.
Smiling, she touches her fingers to her mouth. “I’m not used to this.”
“Kissing your boss?”
She laughs, a husky little sound that goes straight to my dick. “That too. But no. I meant doing something that feels so wrong and so right at the same time. I’m usually so careful to do the smart thing, the sensible thing. And this is the farthest thing from that.”
I regard her carefully, searching for doubts. Is she having second thoughts about pursuing this? The thought slices more deeply into me than it has any right to, considering the reality of our situation. If she threw up a stop sign, it certainly would be the quickest and easiest way to resolve matters.
It might be better for both of us if this ended here, but there’s no fighting the part of me that craves her. It’s too strong. Despite denial having already embedded its claws in my stomach, I still force myself to give her an out. “I told you before. You’re safe with me. If you want to end this now. There won’t be any repercussions.”
She looks up at me, a little crease between her brows. Then she shakes her head. “I’d forgotten what it feels like to want to take a risk, to let my life get a little messy. I think… I think I want that more than I’m scared of it.”
“I don’t want you to be scared of me.” The words come out rough around the edges.
She places her hand on my chest, the warmth of her palm soaking through the fabric between us. “I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of the unknown, I guess. And this kind of thing, the emotions that take over when I’m with you, it’s completely new to me.”
I stay fixed on her. “We’re both sailing in uncharted waters.”
Her throat bobs in a swallow. “But… you’ve been married before. You must have felt this way about Katherine. Despite how things ended up, it must have started out this way.”
What looks like pain flickers over her face, but it’s gone just as quickly as it came. Fuck. I don’t like that she’s comparing the connection we share to what I had with Katherine.
I slide my hand into her hair and tilt her head so she’s forced to meet my gaze. “The way I felt about Katherine was nothing like this,” I grit out, needing her to hear the truth in my words, to see it in my eyes. “I would never have broken my rules for her the way I have for you.”
Her mouth parts, a small breath escaping her. “But why?”
“Why didn’t I feel that way about her, or why have I broken my rules for you?”
Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, she studies me. “Both, I guess.”
My ex-wife is the last person I want to talk about. But I owe Chloe at least part of the truth. “I fooled myself into thinking Katherine was what I needed at the time, but she wasn’t, and she never could be.”
Ignoring the question in her eyes, I release her and shove my hands into my pockets.
“As for why I’ve broken my rules for you…” I’m still struggling to understand it completely myself.
Maybe it’s because she’s the first woman who’s made me question my priorities. With her, I’m reminded of what it’s like to live in the moment rather than to treat life like a chess game, calculating the implications of every move I make. She makes me feel like a better man, and I’m selfish enough to not want to give that up. And fuck if she isn’t the only woman—the onlyperson—who’s managed to quiet the constant voice in my head that drives me to do more, do better,bebetter.
Better than him.
That contradiction lodges like a rock in my throat. Because despite all the ways I tell myself it’s different, if the world finds out I’m fucking my young, beautiful assistant, it’ll be damning proof that I’m cut from the same cloth.