Page 19 of Grumpy Billionaire Seeking Wife

“A devil's foursome?” Erica says, shaking her head. “That would just be a couples swap.”

“Yeah, baby! That’s what I’m talking about.” Bad Boy Joe raises his hand to high-five Erica, and she looks at him dismissively.

“Is that what this is all about?” she asks, blinking. “You thought that we were going to swap?” She bursts out laughing. “You thought 1.) that either one of us would be interested in either one of you, and 2.) that we would want both of you? Are you both high?”

“Weed is legal,” Bad Boy Joe says.

I groan loudly. “This is not exactly going the way that I thought it was going to,” I say. “Erica, do you think you want to…”

“My brothers are coming,” she says, making a face.

“What do you mean, your brothers are coming?”

“They got a reservation…” She lets out a low sigh. “I guess this place is not as popular as I thought if everyone is getting reservations last minute, and Miles just wanted to let me know in case we thought he was spying on our dates.”

“You mean Miles and Wes are coming?” My heart races.

“Yeah, and after the way we went on at his apartment about how great this date was going to be, I guess…” She sighs. “I mean, we can leave, but I don’t want him to say, ‘I told you so.’”

“Neither do I! I was going on that I thought this was going to be the last first date of my life.” I realize that I’m speaking loudly, and I look over at Rudolpho to see if he's eavesdropping. "I was practically telling Wes I was going to be engaged within months."

“Hold up, honey! I didn’t say I was looking for marriage or babies or…”

“Don’t worry. I’m not interested in that with you.” I run my fingers through my hair and play with my pineapple earrings.

“Aight. I mean, I want to hit it, but I’m more about quitting it than applying for a job after the big deed, if you know what I mean. Am I right?”

I don’t deign to answer him. The man is a mess! An absolute mess! I don’t want to be here with Rudolpho and Bad Boy Joe, but I don’t want to leave before the date even gets started. I don’t want Wes to think it was my outfit or something else that made the date go awry. I want him to think I’m having the time of my life.

“So, what do you want to do?” Erica asks.

“Guess we’re going to have to suck it up,” I say.

“Yeah, I had a feeling you’d say that.”

“You did?”

“I mean, the way that Wes was going back and forth with us…” She grinned. “We cannot let him win this argument.”

“Exactly! I feel like he jinxed this date for us.”

“Oh, he totally did! He’s such a hater!” she says, rolling her eyes. “But…”

“But what?”

“I guess we make the most of it, and when they arrive, we pretend we’re having the time of our lives.”

“What do you mean, pretend?” Rudolpho says, finally saying something.

Erica turns to look at him, her hands on her hips. “I don’t want to be rude, but you and your friend showed up, and before we even had a drink, you were asking us if we’d be interested in a devil’s foursome, which does not even exist. You were basically telling us you want to have an orgy.”

“Oh, you seem like way too much work. Bow-chica-bow-wow!” Bad Boy Joe says.

Erica and I exchange glances. We both grab hands and take a deep breath.

“We’re doing it for the podcast,” we say in unison and then burst out laughing. We both know that this is going to be the shittiest date of our lives.

“You ready to sit, chicas?” Rudolpho asks as if we weren’t just discussing walking out on the date. He really must be desperate. Or delusional. Or both. Though I’m not sure what it says about me and Erica that we’re still here in the restaurant.