Page 131 of From Drummer to Gamer

“I want to be a gamer. I’ve been playing professionally for four years, and I am really good at it. My team even made it to the finals at the nationals. I don’t want to be a doctor or study, that’s not me,” I said softly, yet my voice held a sure conviction. “I just want to game for the rest of my life.”

There I said it. I said what I’ve wanted to say all my life.

Mom’s eyes glinted with fury. “Would that pay your bills and put food on your plate, Sierra?”

My eyes slid to Dad, who wouldn’t even meet my eyes, and it only hurt.

“I won’t make much, but it would make me enough if I win more tournaments and start competing more seriously.”

“Yes,if.If you win,ifyou’re lucky, Sierra,” Mom snapped. “That’s not going to guarantee anything. Are you going to be living off your boyfriend till then?”

The burn in my eyes turned into actual tears that started to roll down my face.

“I would happily support Sierra for the rest of her life, and she can do anything she wants to, Victoria. I don’t care if she doesn’t bring even a single penny to the table. You shouldn’t be too harsh on her and listen to what she has to say,” Matty interjected, pulling me to his chest, and I sniffled, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand.

“I’m not being harsh. I’m being real,” Mom said a bit softer than her previous tone. “This world is aharshplace, Mr. Evans. Sierra grew up sheltered; she needs to be strong enough to survive on her own. She can’t do that by saying silly things like she’ll playvideo gamesfor the rest of her life.”

And before Matty could say anything, Dad finally looked up at us. “Your mom is right. I still can’t believe my daughter has been tricking and lying to me. I’m disappointed in you, kiddo. You hurt me a lot, Sierra.”

Disappointment.

I was a disappointment.

My heart broke into a million little pieces at that. I wished for once that Dad would take my side and support my dreams, but I felt crushed knowing that I would always be the disappointment of the family.

All my talent and my worth were contained to the degree I held or the grade I got, but never forme,never for whatIwanted to do.

For the dream I wanted to chase.

For the life I wanted to live.

They thought they were teaching me the hard lessons of life, and I knew firsthand how harsh this world was. What they didn’t know was that it was even harsher now than at their time.

The world wasn’t the same anymore.

Explaining to them how the time has changed would be something they would never understand.

At the end of the day, they would neverunderstandme.

“You should give your daughter more credit, Jen. This right here is the reason she had to lie. Did you really think she could’ve gotten anywhere with the way you both force your narrative on her? Sierra can do anything she wants to,” Matty voiced, the tick in his jaw growing by the second.

“That doesn’t give her a reason to fool us,” Mom said. “Our family has different values and traditions, Mr. Evans. It is something you wouldn’t understand, and we never expect you to. But Sierra knows the way we raised her, and she knows how much she has let us down.” Mom rose to her feet, graceful as ever, while she gestured to Dad. “You can either stay here and forget we exist, or come back home so we can make some concrete plans for what is left of your future. I hope you make a good decision for once in your life, Sierra. Come on, Jen, let’s get going.”

Mom didn’t even spare me a second glance as she left, and Dad had his eyes trained on the ground as he followed her.

And something in me just broke.

And I couldn’t stop the rivers of tears flowing out of my eyes as a sob wracked out of me, and then another, and then I was completely sobbing. And it felt like something burst inside me, and I just couldn’t stop crying.

“Fuck, Sierra. Please don’t cry, baby.” Matty held my head to his chest, his voice cracking like they held so much pain. “It kills me to see you cry.”

But I just couldn’t stop as I buried deeper into his chest. His strength was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

I would be nothing right now if it weren’t for him.

I would just be a silly girl trying to fight for her parents’ support.

I would just be a stupid girl trying to find a place in this world.