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I said that I wasn’t giving up any of my mates without a fight, and it’s true. I’m not.

But the only fighting I’ve ever really known how to do was the physical kind, and I don’t think that kind of fighting applies here.

They say it’s not happening, that they’re not pulling apart, but they are.

First, Calix is spending nights away from our apartment. He says he’s just working late at the facility, trying to figure out how to save the omegas and alphas there, and I have to admit that no one’s doing that.

I would help, but I don’t know how.

But then, other things are happening. Lotus is talking about having babies, and… well, that scares the fuck out of me, and I might not be as supportive as I could be of that.

I don’t mean to make her cry when we have a big, pack discussion about it.

But I do.

And then, Striker wants to start a fucking religion. He says that’s what he’s doing, but it kind of sounds like that to me, because it doesn’t sound like any Christian religion I’ve ever heard of. It sounds like he’s just making shit up that sounds good to him, regardless of whether or not anyone else agrees with him. So, if you’re going to start a YouTube channel preaching a bunch of spiritual stuff that doesn’t align with a traditional religious text, but just comes out of your own brain? I mean, you’re starting a religion, aren’t you?

But he doesn’t really appreciate my take on that, I have to admit.

And then Arrow and Lotus decide they’re going back to the Polloi compound to try to talk more to Kyvelki, and I say I’ll come along, and neither of them seems to want me to, so I decide to not do that.

But when they come back, they’re even more convinced that we’re, like, the fulfillment of some Polloi prophecy, and that we should spearhead a revolution.

I can see it’s only a matter of time before the revolution and Striker’s religion converge on each other and join forces.

The problem with Kyvelki’s revolution is that it’s all about the Polloi.

And yeah, okay, there are a number of problems with the way alphas and omegas are treated in our society, and we need protections and laws, and hell, we should probably blow the lid on Cedar Falls, even if that would mean we had no income after we did that…

But.

We cannot further the interests of the Polloi, because they are a society that is abusive to both men, alphas, and betas. On this point, Calix and I are agreed.

But I’m pretty sure Calix wants to leave.

And we’ve all felt shit through the bond, and none of us have said anything about it, but I think he’s having an affair.

Probably with that Tammy chick that he works with all the time at Cedar Falls. I mean, whatever I felt, it might not have been sex. It could have just been Calix masturbating, who knows. (It’s honestly weird, but I think we all still need solo time, even with this many sexual partners. We feel it in the bond sometimes when someone’s jerking off, though.)

I’ve thought about confronting him, but I don’t. Mostly because I think if I do, he’ll leave, and I don’t want him to go.

So, I don’t say anything.

No one says anything.

And then, one day, Calix says something himself.

calix

I DO NOTmean to have sex with Tammy.

It’s funny, because people always say shit like that, and it always sounds like the most dickish thing to say, but I think people say it because it’s true.

I’m not really making excuses for myself. Though I will say that the pack never really sat down and had a conversation with each other about whether or not we were exclusive to each other. I think there was an assumption, though, so I’m not making an excuse. I did not do this thinking that it would be just fine or that it wouldn’t hurt my mates. I knew it would. I did it anyway.

When I did it, though, I wasn’t thinking about them.

I feel like they haven’t been thinking much about me, either.