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My body shivers and crests in the shower, and I know before it’s over what is going on with me, but I just don’t want to face it.

No.

Not when we have just gotten free of being overtaken by sexual control that went on and on. Not when I did whatever I did to them, even if they say it wasn’t rape, and even if—whatever it was—was happening to me, too, like it took over me and used my body to rape them and that somehow raped me, too. Even if it’s not really my own fault.

I can’t.

Not again.

But.

As I climb out of the shower, shuddering against the towel, my teeth chattering, I know it.

I’m going into heat.

19

knight

I’M SLEEPING INthe recliner, which is probably the most uncomfortable of the sleeping arrangements in this place, and that’s probably why I wake up when I hear the shower come on. I feel around in the bond until I know that it’s Lotus in there, and I feel a little tug to go and join her.

I have never showered with her yet, after all. I haven’t showered with any of my mates.

But I fight with myself about it, because I haven’t quite recovered from whatever it was that happened to us.

I was going to say, what she did to us.

But I realize I was wrong. Lotus didn’t do it. Striker is right when he says that we have tried to kill her, and it’s been against our will. He’s right that whatever she did to us was against her own will. It’s not Lotus’s fault.

But it was, uh, traumatic.

I don’t like being out of control, that’s the thing. And I said that it was fine, and that it wasn’t unpleasant, but that was a lie. It wasn’t unpleasant at first, but it became unpleasant. It became very unpleasant when she wouldn’t let us sleep and she wouldn’t let us eat and when she insisted that our dicks stay hardand knotted up even if they were a little bit chafed from all the fucking she made us do. And she was making us assfuck each other, and that… I’m still sore.

Even so, when I get the spray of it through the bond, like a splash of hot water in my face, I go to the door of the bathroom immediately and yank it open.

She’s there, in a towel, shivering hard, droplets of water clinging to her body, her hair slicked back and wet, and she looks incredibly small and incredibly vulnerable, and I go to her right away and wrap my arms around her.

“I’m g-getting you wet,” she says, her teeth still chattering.

“It’s fine,” I say to her. “It’s fine, I’m here. You need me, I’m here.”

She shakes her head at me. “It’s too much.”

“No such thing, omega,” I say.

“I’m…” She bites her lower lip, her eyes filling with tears.

“I know,” I say.

She begins to rub her wet forehead against my chest, grunting. “Knight, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

I put my hands all over her, crushing her small body against me as I gather her up and stand. “No, no, it’s not your fault. We can do this, omega, okay? You have to trust us.”

She’s still grunting, rubbing furiously.

I purr at her, and she calms down, cheek into my chest.

I hold her there against me, purring to her until she purrs back, and then I take her back to the bed.