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“I know. I did too, but the more I thought about how this affects Zoey—”
The anger that settled in the pit of my stomach wasn’t completely rational, and even though she kept saying this was for Zo, I wondered if there was more to her hesitation.
“You mean how it affectsyou.” Fear that I let her in too quickly rose up at the back of my throat, choking me. Why had I thought Wren was different? Each time my subconscious told me to hold back, that it was only a matter of time before she left, I ignored it. Now I was wondering if I should have heeded its warning.
Her eyes narrowed. “That’s not fair, Beckett. Yes, I have a lot to lose, like my career, but Zoey’s feelings are more important than that.”
Guilt ate at me. She did have a lot to lose and I needed to remember that. “So you want to stay quiet for Zoey’s sake?” Her response should have had me over the moon. Here was a woman willing to put my daughter first. But that spark of doubt had been lit and burned, ready to ignite into a flame.
She nodded.
“What if I said that I think Zoey can handle it? As her father, don’t you think it’s my right to make those decisions?” I didn’t want to have to put my daughter in an uncomfortable position where she’d have to lie. I would never have agreed to tell her about our relationship yesterday if I’d known that today she’d have to keep quiet about it. That was too much to ask of an eight-year-old.
“Well, sure.” She squirmed and refused to look into my eyes. Her actions told me more than her words. And I was done hiding who we were to each other.
“So… you want us to hide our relationship until you approach the Board and they agree to change the bylaw?” Would we have to keep our status a secret until Zo graduated? Her school went all the way up to twelfth grade. That wouldn’t be fair to Zoey.
She nodded, her gaze pleading with me to understand.
“What if they don’t agree?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Then we try again.” She bit her lip.
“At that point don’t you think the cat’s out of the bag? If we’re attempting to change the bylaw, don’t you think they’ll know we’re together?” How could she not see this?
“They won’t have proof though, Beckett.” Her palm rubbed up and down her leg.
“Why does this feel like you have one foot out the door with us? I get that you’re afraid you’ll lose your job, but if they don’t ever change their mind, what do we do? Break up?”
“I don’t know,” she cried out. “I want to protect Zoey first, but I also need to think about my job. I can’t just give it up. I need it.”
I sighed. “I don’t want you to lose your job, Wren, and I’ll wait as long as you need me to. But I need to know if you think Zoey and I are worth the risk. Maybe we could set up some kind of timeline instead of this wait and see?” My heart stuttered, struggling to find a steady rhythm.
“Yes. It will just be a few weeks until the board meets again. Let’s see how that goes first. We’ll just need to pretend for a little while.” Desperation tinged her words.
I shook my head. “How is pretending we’re not a couple going to make things any easier? I thought that when Zo knew, we’d be open about our relationship. I don’t want to hide anymore, and I don't want my daughter to have to lie about it.”
Wren twisted her hands together. “I don’t want to either, but I want to avoid people saying hateful things to Zo like Virgina London did. And is it so wrong that I want to try and save my job?”
“It’s not, Wren. You’re a damn fine teacher, and the school is lucky to have you, but I need to do what’s best for me and Zoey.”
“And that’s not keeping quiet about us.” Her voice didn’t hold the bright notes it usually did.
“Exactly.” I wish I could shut my mouth, but it seemed to have a mind of its own.
“So where does that leave us?” she asked. Her arms wrapped around her middle as though she developed a sudden chill.
I shoved a hand through my hair. “I don’t know.” I glanced at the pool, grateful Zo was still playing at the other end. Too far to hear our lowered voices.
Wren stood. “I can’t believe your response is I don’t know. That’s bullshit, Beckett. How dare you assume that I’m going to just leave because this got hard. Newsflash—it’s been that way and Istillstuck around.”
“Wren.” Maybe I had taken this too far.
“I’m going home. I need some time by myself to think about this. About us.” She shook her head. Her pretty mouth twisted in what looked like disgust.
“So this is it?” My heart ripped open as pain sliced through me. I don’t know why I thought I could get her to change her mind. That she’d choose us over anything else.
“I didn’t say that. I just need some time away from you right now,” she bit out, anger in her tone.