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“Kiddo, you can’t—”
“I know,” she wailed. “I felt terrible. I don’t know why I did that.” My sweet child was behaving in ways she didn’t used to, and I needed to find a way to help her.
“I love you, sweetheart, and I want you to figure out why you’re acting this way. You never used to snap at everyone like this.” I said as gently as I could.
“You want to call the counselor Mommy’s doctor recommended.” Her voice grew quiet.
“I think it might be for the best. I don’t know how to help you anymore than I already am.”
Her lips trembled. “Okay, Daddy.”
“There isn’t anything to be scared of by talking to a counselor.”
“How would you know?” she asked.
“When I was younger, I had a lot of anger built up inside me. It was about things I couldn’t control and it kept getting worse. Mimi connected me with someone to talk to and it helped, kiddo.” I realized I should have shared this way before now.
“You did?” Her eyes grew wide.
I nodded.
She broke out into a smile. “If you were able to do it, I think I can too.”
Relief surged through me that she was ready to talk to someone. I had really hated the thought of bringing her against her wishes.
We sat in silence for a few minutes until a Taylor Swift song came on that we both knew. As we sang loud and slightly off-key, I realized everything was going to be alright.
Zoey bounced in her seat after the last note faded away. “I’m so excited that you’re chaperoning today. You get to hang out with my friends and me.”
“I’m happy I could do it too, kiddo.” And I was.
“The last time Mommy and I went to the aquarium, we went to Mystic, not Boston.” She grew quiet.
For the first time, I was grateful we had to battle traffic this morning. It gave us more time to talk. “What do you think was your mom’s favorite exhibit?”
“We did the seal encounter. She really liked that.”
“I don’t doubt it. She always loved animals, and seals were one of her favorites.”
“Why didn’t you and Mommy stay together when I was born?” Whoa, this was not the response or question I’d expected.
“I um… I,” I stumbled over my words, unsure how to answer her and wondering why this was the first time she’d ever really asked me.
“Mommy said it was because you were better as friends.” She looked up at me expectantly in the rearview mirror.
“She’s right. We met in college and became really good friends.” Heather and I had always promised to be as honest as Zoey’s age allowed about our relationship.
Zoey wrinkled her nose. “That was a long time ago, right?”
I made a fake gasping sound. “You wound me. Are you trying to tell me I’m old?”
She giggled. “No, but I’m eight, so it was way before that.”
“It was fourteen years ago.”Shit.Thatwasa long time. Maybe I was getting old.
I met Heather as an undergraduate. She’d been friends with a girl I dated, and when that girl and I broke up, we stayed friends. We flirted endlessly with each other until one night, a year after I got out of grad school, we met up and decided to act on the chemistry we had. We quickly realized we were better off as friends. Six weeks later, she told me she was pregnant.
“What was Mommy like in college?”