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“And then I came into your life?” I ask, needing to hear him talk about that.
He chuckles again, and I’m surprised at the sound while we’re talking about this heavy thing.
“And then you came into my life,” he agrees. “You were so different from what I was expecting, and it was so hard to stay away from you. I tried. I put up my walls and froze you out and tried not to think of you more than I had to. But it was impossible.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. There’s just something about you, angel. You drew me to you, and I had such a hard time looking away. Irearranged my schedule to be able to see you, and you not being in the office lately makes it so hard for me to focus. I fought against it as much as I could, especially after your heat, when I knew what it was like to hold you and be inside you.”
My cheeks flush with heat, even though he’s still inside me. I sigh, biting my lip. “I understand. I’ve been developing these… feelings for the three of you, and I know I shouldn’t be. This was supposed to be a business arrangement, not a real marriage, and I tried to ignore the way I felt for a while. But you three make it so hard. Dominic and Xavier opened up to me, but you… I tried to pretend I didn’t feel anything for you for the longest time. Because I knew it would only lead to heartbreak.” I close my eyes and dip my head. “How could I compete with a woman who died, after all?”
“No, Penelope,” Tristan says. “It’s not like that.”
During the course of the conversation, his knot has softened enough that he can slip out of me. There’s the usual messy rush, but neither of us pay attention to it. “Look at me,” Tristan commands softly, turning me in his lap so I’m facing him. I glance at his face, and I’m surprised by the emotion I see there.
He’s been so good at being impassive and cold that it’s going to take some getting used to, seeing real feelings on his face.
“You have consumed my thoughts since the day you came into my life,” he says. “Your scent, your presence, all of it. I will always care for Mariana, and part of me will always mourn her. But this is different.”
“It is?”
“Yes. I have never felt this way about anyone before.”
My heart lurches in my chest, and I feel warm all over to hear him say that. It’s not the sort of thing he would say lightly, and I can tell he means it.
“Oh,” I breathe, and I lean in to meet Tristan in the middle of a tender kiss.
He cradles my back with one hand and twists the other into my hair, holding on to me tightly while his lips press to mine insistently. I kiss him back, head spinning a little with everything that’s happened.
“I’m sorry,” Tristan murmurs against my lips. “I’m sorry I held all of that inside me for so long. I shouldn’t have resisted the way I feel. I should have been honest from the start.”
It’s such a complete one eighty from where we started, and the open honesty makes my stomach twist. I’m so happy to hear it, so thrilled to know that he cares about me and wants me and feels things for me that he’s never felt for anyone else. But there’s fear there as well. Because when it comes to being honest, Tristan isn’t the only one who has been holding things back.
I’ve also been keeping something from him and his pack, and it’s fairly huge. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to find the right time to talk about it, and now that we’ve gone this far, I’m terrified that I’ll lose them for good if they find out.
Chapter 36
Penelope
A couple days later, I’m standing in my bedroom, admiring my reflection in the mirror. I’m wearing a dress that probably costs more than anything I’ve ever owned before, and I guess it’s true what they say about you get what you pay for, because I’ve never had anything this nice before.
The quality is amazing, the material hugging my curves in all the right ways and skimming down over my body in a flattering way. It moves with me, the shimmery seed beads that are sewn along the bodice glimmering in the light.
It’s a dark green dress with a low cut neckline that shows off an expanse of cleavage. Not enough that I feel self-conscious, but definitely more than I would show off normally. The fabric is satiny and soft, and the skirt of it flares around my legs, moving when I move in a way that sends it swishing around my ankles. I have shoes to match and my makeup and hair are done in a way where I still feel like myself, but just a prettier version. I haven’t felt this beautiful and done up in a very long time.
Not even on my wedding day, since that was clouded with nerves and uncertainty.
The men got this dress for me, and presenting it to me in a garment bag on my bed. I remember Xavier winking as I opened the bag to pull it out. “We thought it would look good on you.”
And he was right.
It looks like it was made for me, and I love it.
Ever since Tristan came clean about his feelings, it’s like a dam broke when it comes to my husbands. Xavier and Dominic were already pretty open with their affections for me, but all three of them have really kicked it up a notch in the last couple of days. Like Tristan’s reticence was the only thing holding them back, and now that it’s not a problem anymore, they can be as open and caring as they want to be.
It makes this thing between us all seem more and more real by the day. It started off as something fake, just a business arrangement with a one year time limit, but the boundaries of it are starting to fade away.
It’s hard to remember sometimes that none of this is supposed to be real. When the men look at me or touch me or kiss me, it just feels like this is where I’m supposed to be.