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“Yeah.” Anna turned around to face the wall as her heart rate picked up.

Get a grip.

Hayley shuffled over to her, slowly, stopping when her body lightly pressed against the back of Anna’s. She placed one arm over Anna’s waist and rested her head right behind Anna’s. She was very close. “Is this okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Anna murmured.

“We’ll heat up in no time,” Hayley whispered.

“Yeah.”

Anna listened to the sound of Hayley’s breathing. It was deep and slow. Tranquil. Anna felt anything but. A wave of emotion took over, and the years between them collapsed into this moment. It was as if no time had elapsed. She held her breath. It was overwhelming. She swallowed, hard, and took a deep breath, finally.

“Aren’t you comfortable?” Hayley said.

“I am. Are you?”

“Very.”

Anna could either waste this moment on old feelings or be present. She chose the latter. Her muscles relaxed and she sank into the hug. After a while, she did begin to get warmer. It felt so good. So comforting. So right. She could fall asleep like this. Her eyelids felt droopy. Hayley fell asleep quickly, her breathing going even slower and deeper. Feeling cradled and safe, Anna wondered why this felt so much like coming home, before drifting off to sleep.

Ten

December 2012

The library was silent bar the gentle hum of the overhead lights. Anna and Hayley sat across from each other at an oversized table. Books and papers were scattered all over their respective sides. End of term exams were in two days. But Anna couldn’t concentrate.

Hayley highlighted something in her textbook. She gently tapped her pen against her lower lip. Her long hair fell over her face every time she bent forward to write something. She was wearing a comfortable sweater and a chiffon scarf. She had this serious and highly focused look about her. Hayley was normally so light-hearted and fun. It was nice to see this side of her. Anna liked it. Watching Hayley study was now one of her favourite pastimes. How could Anna concentrate?

Hayley tucked her hair behind her ear. She retrieved a hair bobble from her wrist and threw her hair up into a messy bun. God, she even made that look sexy. How did she even do that?

Hayley’s lips parted then closed. Her mouth was like the most interesting thing that Anna had ever seen. There was something about the way her lips moved. The shape of them. Their fullness. They had this appealing quality that Anna just couldn’t put her finger on. Since they’d shared a bottle of whisky a couple of weeks ago, it was all Anna had been thinking about. Hayley’s lips made her think about kissing. But she had never kissed lips that looked as delicious as that before. Lips that made her feel things in places she probably shouldn’t have been feeling them in. Lips that gave her feelings that no boy had ever induced.

The crazy thing was, it wasn’t just Hayley’s lips or her gorgeous face and her beautiful body that had Anna transfixed. The bond they shared went so deep. She had never felt this connected to someone. They talked about everything. They knew practically everything there was to know about each other, yet there always seemed to be more to learn. Anna savoured every second of the time they shared together. She craved it and she clung to it like her life depended on it.

Thinking about Hayley, hanging out with Hayley, watching Hayley, even dreaming about her had become her whole life. And those dreams were unsettlingly intimate in nature. Sometimes she lingered there during the day, thinking back to her dreams of them being together. Doing things.

Anna froze, staring at Hayley while she flipped through the pages of a textbook. Anna put her hand over her mouth. This was a crush. But like the most intense crush she’d ever had. She had a crush. On Hayley.

***

Present day

Anna carefully placed two more logs on the firepit and watched as the sparks took flame and flew up into the air above the logs. She sat back on her camp chair beside the firepit and the campervan all snugly parked up in its spot and turned her attention back to the ocean and the setting sun. It was so peaceful to be here in a place like this, so special.

“Can you believe we’re really here?” Hayley said, sitting next to Anna in her own camping chair.

“Yep. Took us long enough.” They were staying on a small campsite on the bay of a gorgeous white sandy beach on the Isle of Lewis. It was amazing to be this off grid. They had taken the ferry and the small and very winding roads to find this place. Getting to mainland Europe would probably have been quicker. It was worth it though. They now had paddleboards and wetsuits and were going to stay there for about a week, hanging out by the water and sitting by the campfire.

“It’s so quiet.” Hayley took a sip of whisky. “Possibly even too quiet. I’ve never been in a place like this before. It’s so remote.”

“I thought you wanted this? To get away from it all and be at one with your own thoughts and all that. Commune with nature.”

“Yeah. About that.”

“Yes?”

“It turns out I don’t have as many thoughts as I thought I might have.”