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“Didn’t you steal a bottle of champagne when they finally kicked us out?”

“I don’t remember that.”

Hayley laughed. “You were so much fun that night.”

“So were you.” Anna looked back at the firepit, with fond memories swirling in her head and a warm feeling in her chest.

“I often think back on that time. When I’m stuck at work or something.” Hayley smiled, almost shyly. “Oh to be twenty-two again.”

“Yeah. Good times.”

A small silence opened up between them. Anna let her head fall back and looked up at the sky. The sun had set and the odd star was breaking the twilight. Hayley was right, this was the life.

“I’ve been meaning to say something,” Hayley said, her voice soft, but guarded. “Actually, I think I did mention it very briefly in an email, but I didn’t want to get into it then. It’s probably easier to talk face to face, you know.”

Anna looked at her friend, curious and wary. “About what?”

Hayley’s eyes were wide and more serious than Anna had seen since she’d been visiting. “That I’m so sorry we lost touch over the years. Our friendship was, is, really important to me and I let it take a back seat.”

Anna swallowed. Where was Hayley going with this?

“After I went home, things just got really intense, you know?”

Anna nodded, staring into the firepit, trying not to remember how devastated she’d felt those first few months after Hayley had gone home. How helpless and numb.

“I went straight into that internship, and I met Ryan that summer. Then my final year at Princeton took over. I was struggling with my relationship with my parents, and then I landed that corporate job?”

“It’s okay.” Anna smiled, sadly. A thousand little moments flashed through her head about what could have been and what happened instead. “I’m sorry we lost touch, too. But there’s honestly nothing to apologise for. Sometimes friendships simmer down when you’re not in each other’s immediate lives any more. It’s a shame, but it can’t be helped sometimes.”

“It was hard. I felt guilty for leaving.”

“You had to go home. That’s where your life was. Is.”

Hayley was quiet.

Anna continued. “Our friendship was of a time. You moved home like you were always going to. You did nothing wrong. I said that in my email, remember?”

Hayley gave Anna a long hard look. After a while she finally spoke. “I remember. I just wish that wasn’t how things went down. I missed you over the years. I missed you a lot.”

It was Hayley who had stopped replying to Anna’s emails, but she wasn’t going to be pedantic and go into the finer details right now, or ever. There would be no telling where that conversation would lead. There was no point in opening that wound again. It would almost certainly be uncomfortable. It had been awkward and painful enough when they’d tried to talk about things the first time over email. Hayley had been evasive about the fact that they’d slept together. Anna had been crushed. She understood Hayley had regretted it, but it didn’t make it any easier. Part of Anna was just glad they’d managed to save the friendship at all, even if it had taken ten years. “I missed you, too.”

Hayley smiled, but there was a look in her eyes that Anna didn’t recognise. Anna sipped her tea, surprised that Hayley had brought up the topic and that she still seemed to be affected by them drifting apart.

Anna liked the thirty-two-year-old version of Hayley. Like, a lot. She was everything Anna had dreamed Hayley might become: inspiring, exciting, confident, smart, kind, and more mellow and refined in the most attractive way possible. Underneath all that growth and maturity was still the same old Hayley, the same bundle of enthusiasm that Anna had fallen in love with when they were younger. It was a beautiful thing to have confirmed and to see.

She had spent most of the trip doing her best to deflect attention away from the fact that she had been madly in love with Hayley at university, had been crushed that it wasn’t reciprocated and was now still harbouring some lingering attraction of some sort. Anna was like an MI5 agent. At all costs, the truth could not get out. She had to protect herself. Such secretiveness didn’t feel good, however, and she was terrified of being found out.

“You’re here now.” Anna did her best to sound nonchalant. “Ten years isn’t so long. It’s good we’re still friends. There’s no point going over what happened in the past, right? Not when we’re out here having a great time like this.”

Hayley smiled, shyly. It was crazy seeing her like that. “That’s true. You’re right.”

Anna picked up a marshmallow and ate it. “How about those roasted bananas then?”

Hayley nudged the banana-shaped tinfoil with their tongs. “Yes, ma’am. They should be about ready.”

Eight

November 2012