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over with. What question?"

I paused and she looked away as if to make it

easier for me.

"Why did you adopt me?"

"What?" She turned back to me. "What kind of

a silly question is that?"

"It's not a silly question, Mother. Was it

because you lost a child and didn't want to try to have

another?"

"What? Who told you I lost a child?" "Daddy."

"It was another one of his lies. He was just

trying to get you to feel sorry for him and blame me

for everything wrong in this house."

"That wasn't true?"

"I thought it was. Being a mother has never

been easy for you, and I couldn't help feeling that all

the time." "Blaming me. I knew it."

"I'm not blaming you. I'm asking you to be

honest with me. I need to know everything I'm old

enough now, Mother. I've been forced to grow up

quickly," I added.

She glanced my way, her eyes filling with pain. "Why does everything have to be explained all

the time?"

"I have a right to know about myself, Mother.

I'll never get better if you don't help me. It might even

help you," I added.

She stared at me, looked out the window and

rocked. I didn't think she would say any more. I

expected I would just go upstairs and leave her in

silence as I had done so many times before. "My mother," she said suddenly, "got pregnant