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working for the church.

"Even so, my mother was very cautious and

hesitant about my going to Kelly's house to study for

tests together. The first time, she permitted me to go

for only two hours and after exactly two hours, she

was in the driveway waiting. I knew as soon as I got

into the car, she would question me about every

moment I spent with Kelly.

"We did study some, but we also listened to

music and talked to other girls and some boys on the phone. Kelly's mother was a sweet pleasant woman and I envied Kelly for the trusting and loving relationship they had. I almost wished my mother was in a wheelchair. Maybe if she was seriously ill, she would be a more loving mother, I thought, and then I

hated myself for wishing such a terrible thing." Jade grunted and then agreed, "Maybe she

wouldn't be so mean if she had to depend on you." "Yeah," Star said. I didn't want to discuss such

a thing. I still felt guilty for even thinking it. "Kelly's father was very nice, too, and I could

see how much he loved and cherished Kelly's

mother," I continued instead.

"Anyway, I guess because I had gone to Kelly's

house a few times and nothing horrible had happened,

my mother was a little less concerned when I asked if

I could go to dinner there one Friday night." I paused and then added for Misty's benefit, "It

wasn't the whole truth. I mean, we were going to eat,

but it wasn't really a dinner. We were going to have

pizza and Kelly had invited two other girls and some

boys."

"So it was a party," Misty said.

"I guess. I had never been to a party at

someone's house, so I didn't know what to call it. Kelly didn't tell me all the details right away. In fact, I didn't even know the boys were coming until that afternoon in school. It made my heart race with fear. I was terrified that my mother would find out somehow. Maybe when she drove me there, the boys would just be arriving or maybe she would take one look at my face and that lie detector in her head would ring. I tried to avoid her as soon as I got home, but she called

me downstairs to recite a list of rules for my behavior. "I sat with my hands folded in my lap as she

stood before me in the living room. My father wasn't

home from work yet. Sometimes, he stopped at a

tavern with some of his stockbroker associates and