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or be ashamed of it.

"'Boys who grope girls are bad. It doesn't make

you feel good inside, right?'

"'No,' I agreed. He was definitely right about

that, and if he was right about that, why wouldn't he

be right about the rest of it?

"'Good touching is gentle, soft,' he said and as

he spoke, he showed me.

"'Close your eyes,' he said. 'That's it. You

shouldn't be afraid to sleep,' he whispered. His hands

were under my nightgown and he moved his fingers

softly, gently over me as he chanted, 'Be still, be

happy. See, this is good touching It's like petting a

dog or a cat,' he said, 'and you know how that pleases

them. See, it's pleasing you. You'll sleep now.' "His touching didn't relax me. It felt like a tense

wire was coiling tighter and tighter inside my

stomach. His hands were soft, gentle, but they were

moving everywhere, and it made me even more

nervous than I already had been.

"'Easy,' he said when I tried to squirm away.

'You've got to relax your body and not be afraid of

good feelings.'

"I kept myself as still as I could.

"'That's it,' he said. 'That's better. See?' "My body felt tense. I tried to keep my eyes

closed and go to sleep, but it was hard to relax with

him still touching me. Finally, he stopped and stood

up.

"'Good night,' he whispered. 'We'll keep it all

secret,' he promised. 'All that's happened will be part

of our big special secret. Don't worry. Your mother