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nineteen

I WAS STILL SEETHING WHENI got home, ready to find old notes to light up in flames. I must’ve been so in my head that I didn’t notice an extra car out front because it wasn’t until I walked into my house and saw Jensen sitting on the couch with my grandma that I knew he was there. Had I seen his car I could’ve prepared myself. But instead, I let out the loudest and crudest cuss word in my catalog.

My grandma gasped. “Finley!” She was holding one of the potted flowers from school that no doubt Jensen had brought for her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Get out of my house.”

“Finley,” Grandma said. “What’s gotten into you?”

Jensen didn’t move. Didn’t even pretend like he was going to stand and leave. “She texted me, Finley. I’m here for her, not you.”

Grandma patted Jensen’s arm like that was the sweetest thing he’d ever said. “You’re here for both of us, dear.”

“Grandma, we broke up. I don’t want him here.”

“When did you break up?”

“Jensen, I’m serious.”

“You seem to be,” he said. “Can we just talk?”

I wasn’t sure if he meant him and my grandma or him and me, but either way, my answer was the same. “No.”

“Finley,” Grandma said, her voice shakier than before. “That’s enough. Let’s sit down and have a nice afternoon.”

“You’re upsetting her, Jensen. You need to leave.”

“Only one of us is upsetting her,” he said.

Mom came in at that moment from wherever she’d been at the back of the house. She took in the scene. I waited for her to tell Jensen to leave, but instead she nodded toward the kitchen, indicating I should follow her. I did.

“Grandma’s having an off day” was how she started.

“So you let my ex-boyfriend in the house?”

“I thought maybe he told you he was coming?”

“He didn’t.”

“That maybe you guys made up,” she said.

“We didn’t. Not at all.”

She clasped her hands together. “Can we just…Can you just…I don’t know…play along for now? He seems to be helping her.”

“Play along?” I asked.

Mom sighed. I saw the exhaustion behind her eyes.

“I’m just going to leave,” I said. “Maybe that will be better for everyone.”

“Maybe,” she said, surprising me.

I clenched my teeth, keeping the bad words inside this time.

“I’ll text you when he leaves,” Mom said.

“Great plan,” I said sarcastically, whirled around, and left. As I passed Jensen, my grandma’s arm hooked in his, a memory flashed through my mind of this very scene from months ago. Only that time we were all together and laughing. Those happy feelings rushed through my body followed by a surge of sadness. I’d been so busy being angry at Jensen that the sadness shocked me. I pushed it down and left through the front door, pulling it shut behind me, trying to find my anger again.