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“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I meant to tell you before now.”

“So what now?” Mom asked. “You made it?”

“I think.”

“Congratulations,” Dad said, but he didn’t sound like he meantit.

“Thank you,” I responded, but I didn’t sound like I meant it.

“Are you…,” Mom started, “excited? This is a new dream of yours that you’ve accomplished?”

“Yes,” I said firmly. “I’m super excited.” I was not even a little bit excited. This was not a dream of mine. Not even close. The only dream this accomplished was exacting revenge on Jensen. But what was left, a position on the team, was more of a burden than a reward, and I hated that.

“Imagine,” Grandma said in an ill-timed moment of clarity, “what you could’ve accomplished if you spent that much time and energy doing something for yourself.”

I swallowed hard. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Corey jumped up from the couch and followed me down the hall. “I wish you would’ve at least toldme.I wanted to see the look on Jensen’s face. Worth it?”

“Yep,” I said, still trying to convince myself that it was. That I didn’t just wastemoreof my life on Jensen.

I’M NOT FEELING GREAT,Itexted the group after a shower.Today tired me out. Can we do the diner celebration tomorrow?

Not as cool, but fiiiiine,Max responded first.

We already ordered fries! Get your butt over here,Deja said next.

Rest,Lee said.We’re good.

Nothing felt good. My family was disappointed in me. I didn’t feel the euphoria I was expecting after accomplishing what I’d been working toward. And Theo…My heart squeezed in my chest and my eyes pricked, the first emotions I’d felt in hours…. Why did everything about that ending feel wrong too?

I crawled into my bed, pulled a pillow against my chest, and let the tears come.

Chapter

thirty-four

“I’M READY, FINLEY.” GRANDMA STOODin my doorway dressed in a colorful dress with one of her wigs on. It looked like she’d put some makeup on as well.

“Ready for what, Grandma?” I was in bed. It was Sunday, well past noon. I’d begged out of the diner with my friends again. I wasn’t ready to see anyone. I just wanted to lie in bed all day. Maybe my brain would figure out my life for me if I let it think about things long enough.

“For my interview.” She didn’t wait for my answer, just sat at my desk where I’d been recording podcasts with her. I hadn’t asked her to come in today, but it was possible she was remembering another day where I had.

“Can we do it tomorrow? I’m not feeling my best today.”

She tapped her slippered foot on the ground several times, then pointed to her wig. “I’m ready now.”

I closed my eyes and hugged my pillow to my chest.

“What’s wrong, my sweet girl?”

“Everyone is disappointed in me.”

“I’m not.”

I wanted to tell her she had been yesterday. But what was the point of that? “Thank you.”

“What about you? Are you disappointed in you?”