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I wanted to ignore him, but instead I asked, “How do you know?”

“First of all, I could read the notes Coach was making. Second, I watched you.”

The feelings of exoneration and triumph that I thought would course through me with that knowledge didn’t. Instead, I felt like I was crashing down from the rage that had been fueling me. I felt a bit like Jensen looked, walking slowly back toward us, his knuckles practically dragging along the ground like the ball he carried weighed a ton. I felt the weight of sadness over what I had lost weeks ago, over what I had lost yesterday.

I felt lost.

Chapter

thirty-three

COACH BLEW HIS WHISTLE ANDgestured for us all to come forward. We stepped into a half circle around him.

“Good job, everyone. We’ll have the official list up on the locker room office door on Monday.”

I raised my hand. “Um? The boys’ locker room?”

“Oh.” He cleared his throat. “Right…Yeah…Um, I’ll put a list up in the…um…”

“The athletics office?” Theo suggested.

“Yes, exactly. Monday morning.” He pointed at the gear surrounding us. “Stack gear and pads and helmets back in the bin on the sidelines, please.” With those words he left, probably to see if Coach Wallis needed help with the other group, which was still going strong.

Jensen thew his helmet onto the ground, followed by his pads. Before he walked away, he met Theo’s eyes. “You played the long game, but in the end, you got me.”

“Me!” I called after him. “Iplayed the long game!”

He didn’t turn around, and my outburst didn’t make me feel better.

The others had taken off their helmets and pads and stacked them next to Jensen’s, leaving just me and Theo standing there.

“I’m so proud of you,” he said.

“Don’t,” I responded.

“I wish I had a better explanation for why I said that. I didn’t even think it was true. I thought you hated me back then, to be honest. I don’t even remember saying it. I probably said it because I thought it sounded tough or cool or anything but how I felt. It’s how I keep my walls up sometimes. But I’m learning how to drop them. I wasn’t trying to steal you. I wasn’t trying to do anything but help you get back at Jensen. And while doing that, I fell for you. Hard. Don’t quit us, Finley.”

“I haven’t even been myself these past few weeks. I’ve been angry. Lost. How could you want to be with this angry ex-girlfriend who only defined herself by her lost dream unless you were doing it to get back at him?”

“You’re telling me you haven’t been yourself around me? That every second we’ve been together you’ve been overcome with rage and hopelessness? Is that your story?”

“No. Ugh.” I ran my hands down my face. “But it’s been there, simmering beneath the surface, and now it’s gone. It boiled over when I saw that video, when I kicked that last ball, and all I’m left with is…” What was I left with? I didn’t even know. Emptiness? The realization that all this pushing and trying and sacrifice left mewith nothing? With even less than nothing. It left me feeling the opposite of fulfilled. “Shame.”

“You think I’m a bad person?” he asked. “That I’ve been usingyou?”

“No, I thinkI’ma bad person.”

“We’ve been doing this together, Finley. If you are than I am.”

“Yeah, maybe we are.”

His eyes were glassy…or maybe mine were.

My friends surrounded me then, Maxwell tucking me into a protective side hug.

“I knew I shouldn’t trust you,” Deja said. “And I was right.”

“You messed up,” Lee said.