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Eighteen

Visiting Trevor is the obvious next step in making this documentary—and the VR headset—and yet, Holden is still being a total weirdo about it. He even told Trevor ahead of time that he didn’t get the headset, so it’s not like I’m about to witness a fight or tears.

“What are you so nervous about?” I practically have to drag him toward the pediatric wing a few days post–New York.

“You’re the first person I’ve told that’s not family. It’s a big deal.”

“What about Taj?”And, shit, will you be mad to know I told Corrine, who didn’t even know Trevor existed?

“Well, yeah. Of course Taj knows. He had a blast playing dumb for your interviews.”

That explains a lot.

“Corrine didn’t know.” I flick my eyes to his.

He stops walking. “You told Corrine? There was a reason I didn’t tell her.”

“And what was that reason?” I continue walking and am so fucking relieved when he stomps grumpily along with me... like a toddler, but okay. “I was trying to be open and honest with her about this whole thing and that included telling her about Trevor. I kind of thought she’d know already, having been your girlfriend.”

“I bet she feelsgreatknowing you knew before her for that reason exactly.” He falls in step with me as we swing around the corner and approach the main desk.

“I mean, Ididknow Trevor before I knew her, so it doesn’t seem that weird that I’d know this, right?”

He sighs. “Don’t tell anyone else, okay? You can do the documentary about me trying to help him, but you have to leave him out of it unless he agrees. And you promise only the Temple people will see it.”

“Of course. Who would I even tell?”

“I thought that before and look who you told. So, just don’t tell anyone else. Please.” He works tension from his shoulders. “I bet Corrine will have an Edible Arrangement waiting for me in first period sooner or later. You know how she spends money when she feels uncomfortable and sad.”

“Suncomfortable. It’s how I ended up with my cold weather gear for cheerleading this year.” I grab the hem of my jacket and do a quick twirl to show it off. “It’s her love language.”

We stop at the desk and wait for the nurse/employee/whoever she is and whatever her job title is to finish her paperwork and acknowledge us standing there bickering quietly.

Holden looks off into the distance, a squint in his long-lashedeyes. “What if he’s mad that I told you without asking him first?” His eyes grow wide. “What if Corrine’s already overstepped and gottenhiman Edible Arrangement?”

“You’re the only person who would be upset about an Edible Arrangement. You know they’re super expensive and delicious, right?”

“Holden,” the girl at the desk says, putting aside her clipboard and smiling. She’s around our age and devastatingly pretty, with deep brown eyes and freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. A lanyard around her neck reads “Volunteer.” “Hi.Did you forget your badge?”

“No,” he says, reaching into his pocket and freeing his own lanyard. “I need one for my friend, though.”

She notices me for the first time and I try not to laugh at how shocked she is to see another person besides Holden in the world. I guess if I didn’t know him, I’d be enamored or swoon or whatever. Like, I can see how he’d be distracting if he were perhaps someone other than Holden.

“Hi,” she practically chirps, pulling a blank name tag from nowhere. “Name?”

“I’ll spell it for you. S-A-I-N-E.”

“Interesting. How is that pronounced, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Like insane without the ‘in.’” I smile stiffly, realizing a moment too late that I could have just... said my name. I have enough practice with this in school. I suppose there was a part of me that wanted to set her off-balance, though.

She shakes to her senses. She finishes writing my name andpushes the badge over the counter toward me. I stick it onto my boob with more fervor than necessary.

Once equipped, we head in the direction of Trevor’s room and I make sure we’re out of earshot ofLibby—according to her name tag—before saying, “Holden, hiiiiiii! That’s the girl, right?”

“What girl?”

I nudge him in the ribs, but he grabs my elbow easily in his large grip. “The girl you were buying a necklace for.” I tug free of him.The girl Corrine thinks you had the hots for when you were dating.But that’s not right, no. She wouldn’t have known about Libby if she didn’t know about Trevor.