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“I think I know what you’re going to ask.”

“Why did you, like, disappear after my grandma died? I mean, you were physically there and you were so helpful, but, like, emotionally? Why do you... just go away when I need you?”

Her voice cracks. “I’m not good with that stuff. You’re always the one calming me down and talking sense into me, and I couldn’t be that for you. I’m not good at talking. With thebreakup happening at the same time, it was just a lot of feelings at once.”

A laugh breaks free. “I know you freak out about this stuff, but, like, a hug? A hug would have gone so far. Just saying you were there for me if I needed you? I needed that, even if you were bad at it. I felt like you abandoned me, and then I felt bad for feeling that way because you were going through your own thing and I shouldn’t depend on someone else to handle my grief....”

Some of her hair gets caught in an errant tear, a slice of copper against her pink, splotchy cheeks. “I feel really bad about it. I just clam up.” She clears her throat. “Ugh, I hate crying.”

I laugh a little. “I just want you to know that I needed you; our relationship’s not one-sided.” I wipe my own tears away, knowing I don’t look as good as she does when I cry. My makeup definitely doesn’t stay intact like hers does. “Our friendship can’t be over.”

She latches onto my hand. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Holden

Today 7:35 PM

I’m picking you up from practice

7:35 PM

We’re going to the hospital to give Trevor the headset

7:35 PM