Page 8 of You Can Make Me (Carnival of Mysteries #28)

Three

D enny

To be honest, the hot spring was a big selling point of this place, and I’d been looking forward to the day Cooper’s wounds would heal so I could bring him out to soak.

His muscles were so bunched up tight from sitting weirdly to avoid agitating his injuries and from his messed-up gait.

I longed to massage him, but up ’til now, with the wounds on his legs, backside, shoulder, and forearms, it would have been tough to find places I could touch without hurting him.

But he was better…

Of course, he’d have to want to be touched, and so far, that did not seem to be the case.

I’d taken to soaking in the hot spring some evenings after Cooper went to bed. The stress was getting to me, and I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t slip up or take the chance I wouldn’t be well enough to care for him.

On this particular night, I didn’t wait until he’d retired to the room.

Fuck it. I had to get out of the cabin before I broke my promise to myself that I wouldn’t lose my temper with him.

He’d chosen me for this gig, not anyone else, and I wanted him to trust me.

It was killing me to see him in such pain and not be able to provide him any comfort, but his moods sometimes got my hackles up.

I knew he couldn’t necessarily help it, but man …

Whoever had thought to enclose the hot spring with large boulders for privacy was a genius.

The river was just a few steps away to dip into and cool off, and there was a deeper section nearly big enough for swimming at the edge of the property, which I wouldn’t do at night, but when the weather got hotter, you bet your ass I’d be in there.

Occasionally rafters or canoers came by, but the house was hidden from view, and so was the hot spring.

I stripped down and left my towel and clothes within reach so I could grab them immediately if necessary.

I sat my phone on top of the pile in case of emergency, and my backup weapon I stashed between a couple of rocks.

I wasn’t about to get caught with my pants down by a madman jumping out of the brush at me.

There were motion-sensor lights around the perimeter of the house, and I had cameras installed so I could keep an eye on things out here, but the few moments I allowed myself to shut off my brain and relax in the warm water did wonders for my peace of mind.

Before I got out, I dunked my head for a few moments and allowed myself to float suspended in the warm water surrounded by silence…that is, until I heard a ruckus above me.

I pushed off a rock and popped out of the water to find Cooper’s frightened face.

“Cooper?”

“Oh my God, Denny!” He was on his knees with his hand pressed to his chest and his breath was coming in gasps. “I thought you… I thought?—”

“Hey, I’m okay. Everything’s okay. I was just floating. What’s wrong? Did you fall? Oh, shit, your poor knees.”

He sat back and shook his head. “I’m fine. I… I saw you through the window and when I looked back, you were gone. I worried you’d passed out or something. I was so scared.”

I rested my elbows on the flattest part of the rock and held out a hand to him. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

I kept that hand outstretched for several beats, hoping maybe, just maybe, he’d reach for me this time.

It felt like forever since I’d held him in my arms. I didn’t count the night I’d found him covered in blood and dying, but like that last night we’d spent together in Austin.

He’d let himself be vulnerable with me, telling me that he was sometimes afraid that his relentless drive was going to be detrimental to his career, that he was going to spend his life alone because he’d managed to push so many people away.

I’d assured him that I wouldn’t be deterred, that if he wanted to continue being with me, we’d make it work.

And then it happened.

I let him push me away, and I didn’t fight for him. I let him go, but I hadn’t given up. You always think there’ll be time…

But tonight, finally, after four and a half months, he reached for me and squeezed my hand while he tried to slow his breathing.

“Let me climb out. I’ll dry off and help you to the house?—”

“No. It’s okay. I’m fine. I can get up.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Well, you’re already out here. How about you join me?”

He froze for a moment.”I’m…not sure.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” I’d used this tactic many times to avoid asking leading questions or to avoid him assuming I was judging him. Sometimes it worked, and I got a one- or two-word answer.

Come on, Coop. You can say anything to me.

Cooper let his hips rest on the ground and straightened out his legs, probably to ease the pull on his healing wounds. He’d only been able to sit without much pain the past few weeks.

“You know I don’t like being uncovered.”

I did know, and it broke my heart. This once proud man, who had been so confident in his attractiveness that he’d attempted to seduce a lifelong straight man, now believed he was hideous, some kind of monster.

“I do know that. But you wouldn’t be. You’d be naked under the cover of darkness, and then underwater.” I gave him my most winning smile—and it actually did the trick.

He laughed slightly, but the sound was thick with tears.

“I hate this,” he whispered, but he began to slowly pull his arm through his long-sleeved t-shirt.

“You need help?” I stood on one of the strategically placed rocks to climb out if he needed me, but he shook his head.

“I can do it,” he muttered.

I watched helplessly as he fought with his clothes, breathing heavily from the exertion. He got down to his briefs and paused. With the lights from the house behind him, I couldn’t make out his expression.

“Can you scoot forward? I’ll steady you.”

He grunted softly as he pushed up with his hands to lift his hips off the ground, and then he sucked in a breath and winced.

“Did that hurt? I’m sorry,” I breathed. I started to climb out again, but he held up his hand. He pushed himself once more, and it was close enough for him to dip his feet into the water.

“How’s the temperature?” I knew sometimes he still got pins and needles in his feet. The doctors couldn’t say how long the neurological symptoms would last from that crack on the head, or if they’d ever completely disappear. The water wasn’t too hot, or else it might bother him.

“It’s nice,” he said softly. He scooted forward once more and dipped his feet and calves into the water.

I stood right in front of him, the water at my waist.

“You want help in?”

He shook his head, avoiding eye contact. “This is fine for now.”

I stepped back with a sigh and lowered myself into the water, leaning back against the far side, letting the water support me. He nervously glanced around the area a few times, as if he worried The Creature from the Black Lagoon was coming any second.

“I haven’t seen people on the river at this time of night. I’d hear it if someone came through the bushes, and if they come from the direction of the house, the motion sensors will activate. I have my weapon. We’re okay back here.”

“You’ve done this before?”

I smiled. “Yeah. I usually come out later…”

“Oh.”

The silence weighed so heavily between us, I wanted to scream.

It had been so easy between us before. He’d been the easiest person to talk to that I’d ever met.

His curious questions, his laugh… I missed them so much.

I missed him . I had no idea whether he’d ever be himself again.

Having him right in front of me but so far away was agonizing.

I studied his profile in the dim light and inwardly cringed at how much weight he’d lost. He’d always been on the slim side, but now his clavicles jutted out, and I knew if there was a little more light, his ribs would be visible and his muscle tone gone.

His cheekbones were dramatic before, but now they were sharper, with hollows beneath them covered in darker blond than on his head, mixed with auburn and rust. The beard worked for him, but he didn’t smile anymore, which, along with the dark circles under his eyes, gave him an austere look.

I couldn’t stand the quiet.

“Your feet okay? No pins and needles?”

“No, actually. This feels…good.”

I sucked in a breath for luck. “Good enough I could massage them?”

He quirked one shoulder. “I guess. You don’t have to.”

God, I wanted to. It was killing me to not touch him. If this was all I could do for him, I’d do it. I hadn’t touched him since he’d been able to shower on his own, which was about a month ago. I was a starving man in his presence.

I glided through the water to sit in front of him and reached for his left foot. The minerals in the water made his skin silky as I ran my hands gently over the ball of his foot, his arch, and his heel. “How’s that? Can you take a little more pressure?”

“Yes.”

His voice was hoarse when he answered me, and I smiled to myself in the darkness.

He’d once told me that foot rubs were the way to his heart, and that mine were good enough to get me plenty of other benefits.

He’d been so playful then. As I gently ran my thumbs along his tight tendons, I couldn’t help but mourn what we’d lost, just as I mourned the loss of his exuberance, his confidence.

Cooper, are you even in there?

“Can I ask what you’ve been working on?” Sometimes he’d shared his stories with me…

in the past. I was probably pushing my luck asking—this was the most we’d talked since I’d broken him out of rehab—but he’d been spending hours on the computer, mostly cursing when the internet would crap out.

I really needed to figure out how to fix it for him.

“I don’t know. Not really a story. I thought about an exploration of the purpose and function of rehabilitation centers and whether they truly meet the needs of patients, but it’s too close to home. I don’t want to think about all that, but then I was doing other research…”

“Yeah? Anything I can help with?”