Page 40 of X’nath (Dark Orcs of Helfallow)

40

Patrolling the Heart

X’NATH

I didn’t give up.

Even with her constant refusals to talk to me, I kept trying. It frustrated me that she’d accept a flower from Yargol, but nothing from me. How did that little furball manage it?

I stuck to my usual routine, still doing the little things for her—bringing fresh cut firewood, hanging large strips of meat from a recent hunt. When her eyes widened in surprise at seeing me, I thought maybe, just maybe, I was starting to get through to her. But before I could savor the moment, she turned on her heel and retreated into her home, hiding away for the next hour.

It never bothered her before when I completed the task during the early hours before my duties. Why was she reacting like this now? It only added to the confusion.

But I wasn’t ready to give up. I stayed, waiting patiently outside her door, watching for when she would finally come out.

When she finally stepped outside, I didn’t hesitate. I fell into step behind her, my heart pounding in my chest.

“Gracie, please,” I said, my voice rough. “I know I messed up. I wasn’t thinking. I?—”

She didn’t slow her pace, her steps steady and deliberate. I tried to match her, falling into a rhythm that felt more like chasing than walking beside her.

“I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just…” My words tangled in my throat, each one coming out more clumsy than the last.

I couldn’t tell her the truth—that I didn’t regret what I’d done to Garbock. He still hadn’t shown his face around the village, probably hiding away to lick his wounds after the mess I made of him. He should be grateful he was still alive. His pride was the only thing that needed mending.

If I ever saw him near Gracie again, I wouldn’t hesitate. I would make sure my face was the last thing he saw before he breathed his last. But I couldn’t say any of that, not now. Not when it wasn’t about him—it was about me and her, and how badly I’d messed things up.

“I’m an idiot, Gracie. Please don’t—don’t shut me out. I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t important?—”

She didn’t look at me, but I saw the faint tension in her shoulders, the way she tightened her grip on her basket as she made her way toward one of the communal gardens. I could feel her pulling away, even if she didn’t say a word.

“Please,” I pressed, desperation slipping through my voice. “I’ll do whatever it takes. You mean everything to me. If you need me to kill someone, I will. If you need me to crawl on hands and knees—” I swallowed deeply, hoping to bury my wounded pride well beneath the earth, “I will.”

She stopped abruptly, but only to adjust the basket handle on her shoulders. I froze, holding my breath, hoping she’d say something, anything. But when she didn’t, I pushed forward again, like a fool, begging with the only words I had left.

“ Lak’osh, I am at your mercy,” I told her, falling to my knees and unsheathing one of my knives. “I offer you my blade to run through my heart if that’s what it takes.”

She spun around suddenly, her eyes flashing with annoyance, but there was something else there too—something I couldn’t quite place. "X’nath," she cut me off, her voice cold and sharp. "Will you stop following me like some lost puppy? It’s getting embarrassing."

I took a step back, swallowing hard. "A lost puppy?" I said, frowning. "I don’t even know what a puppy is, but will it make you happy if I agree? Do puppies make you happy?"

"Ugh!" she snapped, poking her finger directly into my chest. "You think you can just waltz back in here after disappearing for who knows how long and then expect everything to be fine? You think I don’t have my own concerns, my own frustrations with you? You—you think you can fix it all by groveling?"

Her words struck me like a blow, and I winced. "If it makes you speak to m?—"

"Stop. Just stop," she interrupted, her voice rising. " And for heaven's sake, put that blade away. I don’t need you groveling at my feet, apologizing for every little thing. You think that’s going to solve everything? That’s not what I need from you, X’nath. It’s not just your absence that bothers me. It’s your lack of understanding about what’s been bothering me."

I bit back the urge to defend myself, letting the sting of her words sink in. My pride was wounded, but for my mate and only my mate, I held my tongue. She had every right to be angry if what Korrin said was true. How could I have been so blind to her pain?

When she finished her tirade, she stood there, breathing heavily, her finger still pointed at me in accusation. I knelt silently for a long moment, then nodded slowly, getting to my feet. I let the weight of her words hang in the air, trying to show her that I was listening intently to the things she wasn’t saying.

"I understand," I finally said, my voice quieter now. "I was wrong, lak’osh . And I’m sorry. I’ll do better."

She let out a long, exasperated sigh, crossing her arms with her basket still in hand. "You better. Because frankly, I’m done trying to avoid your annoyingly handsome face following me around with your pet weasel who has done nothing but melt my resolve with his little squeaks and flowers.”

It seemed Yargol’s strategy worked faster than mine. I was going to have to give him extra meat tonight as a token of my reluctant gratitude. But if he thought he could work his way to her heart and replace me…

My mate’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “It’s not my job to teach you how to simply talk to a person and tell them where you are going."

I winced again but stayed silent, making sure she was completely finished with her verbal lashing. After a beat of tense silence, I finally found the courage to speak again, my voice more measured.

"I have an idea," I said, hoping she’d at least hear me out.

She looked at me skeptically, her eyes narrowing. What was it about her, in every mood, that drew me in so completely? "I’m listening, but don’t get any ideas."

"I’m going on patrol soon," I began, taking a step forward, uncomfortable with the distance between us. "And I want you to come with me. I want you to be there, with me . You’ll know exactly where I am, what I’m doing, and you won’t have to worry about me disappearing again."

Gracie raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "You think that’s going to fix everything? You really believe that just taking me on patrol is going to make me forget all the other problems you’ve caused?"

Panic spiked. Other problems? What other problems wasn’t I aware of? I told myself to remain focused. I needed to win this victory, for her, for us.

I nodded eagerly, despite my pride still stinging from her earlier words. "Yes! Well, maybe not everything , but at least this. You’ll be with me. You’ll see that I’m here, doing what I need to do, and not just running off without a word. Plus, it’ll give us some time, just the two of us. No distractions."

She looked at me, her gaze still full of doubt, and I could practically hear the cogwheels turning in her pretty little head. "You want me to patrol with you? Me? Out there with you and your... warrior nonsense ?" She made an exaggerated gesture, as if to mock the whole idea.

I gave her my best pleading look, lowering my voice to something almost comedic. " Lak’osh, I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve won the greatest prize of all—to be chosen by a warrior goddess with a spirit fiercer than my own. Maybe, while we’re out there, you can teach me a thing or two, and... we’ll see things through together."

Gracie stared at me for a long moment, and I could feel my heart thudding in my chest. This moment was worse than facing my first battle at the tender age of twelve, when I had gone up against the monster terrorizing the village and stealing our dried meat storage.

Finally, she let out a deep breath and sighed, her arms unfolding as she gave me a reluctant nod.

"Fine," she said, her tone more resigned than pleased. "But this doesn’t mean I’m letting you off the hook for everything else. And don’t think one patrol is going to fix everything. Got it?"

I grinned, the weight in my chest lifting as I nodded, grabbing her and lifting her up enthusiastically. "You bless me, lak’osh, " I exclaimed, nuzzling her neck until she dropped her basket. I would make sure to stock her vegetable stores to make up for wasting her time. “Perhaps now I can apologize to you in a much different but much needed way?” I asked hopefully.

She rolled her eyes, but there was a slight smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "We’ll see about that."