Page 16 of X’nath (Dark Orcs of Helfallow)

16

Fractures in the Silence

GRACIE

W eeks had passed since we’d arrived at the tribe’s home, and in that time, we’d begun to adapt, slowly but surely. The group—Kelly, Erin, Sophie, Salma, and I—had settled into some semblance of routine. We learned to make and eat the tribe’s food, which, to my surprise, wasn’t as hard to stomach as I first thought. The orcs had shown us how to cook with wild herbs, game meat, and grains I couldn’t even name, and while it was far from what I was used to, it filled our bellies. And even though there was a lack of electricity, the orcs had a surprising supply of candles. It was a strange sort of comfort in knowing we could survive here, that maybe this new life wasn’t entirely as bleak as I had feared.

But despite the relative peace, something was shifting. I could feel it in the way the other women moved, in the quiet tension that had started to settle in their eyes. We were becoming restless.

I didn’t know if it was the isolation of being surrounded by orcs, or if it was just human nature to want more, to desire connection in any form. But I could tell the women were starting to stir with thoughts I wasn’t entirely ready to face. I had kept a cautious distance from the men, mostly out of habit, but also out of wariness. We owed them so much already, and I didn’t want to add to the weight of that debt by getting too close.

"Gracie," Kelly said one morning, as we sat by the fire. "Why do you keep pushing us away from them? These men… they’re not like the ones who enslaved us. You know that. They’ve proven that."

I glanced up at her, feeling my heart race at the idea she was planting. We’d been together for weeks now, and though we had our own little ways of coping, I knew the urge to connect—to find comfort in something familiar—was growing among the women.

"They’re still orcs, Kelly," I said softly, keeping my voice steady. "I’m not saying they’re evil, but we can’t forget what they are. What they could do if we aren’t careful. Why else would a group of males come looking for females?"

Kelly frowned, shaking her head. "Gracie, you’re being stubborn. These orcs aren’t like the men on the ship. They’re protecting us. They’re offering us safety. Don’t let our past trauma cloud a possible future."

I bit my lip, glancing over at Salma and Erin. They hadn’t said much, but I could see the hesitation in their eyes, the uncertainty that mirrored my own. It didn’t feel like I was using my trauma to hold us back. After all, it wasn’t just my past—it was all of ours. How could they so easily push past it, as if it hadn’t been that long ago?

"She’s right," Erin said, looking over at me with a cautious expression. "The way they’ve treated us so far… I don’t think they’re planning to harm us. I mean, look at how they’ve been with us. How they’ve taught us things."

Sophie, who had been quiet up until this point, looked at the ground for a long moment before speaking up, her voice surprisingly firm. "I’m going to give it a chance," she said, startling us all. "I’m going to accept Greag’s flirtations. He’s been kind to me, and I’m not going to shut that down just because we’ve had a rough past. He’s proven to be a great protector… and I want to feel protected. I want his protection and safety."

I stared at her, not sure if I should be angry, confused, or simply disappointed. Sophie, though she stood up to me when we were first rescued, became one of the more cautious ones after the swamp ordeal. But now, she was openly admitting that she might entertain the idea of getting closer to one of them… in an intimate way. Greag, of all people—the one who had taken charge, barking orders and often coming across as too serious.

A niggling of fear rose up in me as I watched Erin, so small and delicate. She had a soft, trusting way about her, and I couldn’t help but worry—what if Greag’s flirtations were just a show? He was so much bigger than her, so much stronger. What if, in a moment of frustration or anger, he took out his emotions on her? Who would protect her then? The thought gnawed at me, and though I tried to shake it off, I couldn’t quiet the concern in my mind. Erin might be growing fond of him, but I wasn’t sure if she realized the danger that sometimes lurked beneath that rugged charm of all these men.

"You’re making a mistake," I said, unable to keep the frustration out of my voice. "We know what they want from us, Sophie. Meeting their tribe only confirmed my thoughts. They don’t have enough women, so they brought us here. But we can’t just blindly trust them. It’s not that simple. What happens if we can’t give them what they need? What will they do with us then?"

The words tumbled out before I could stop them, and I knew deep down that some of the fear I felt was my own insecurity projecting onto the situation. It was inevitable that one by one, each woman here would slowly integrate in this new life, among these people. And that meant creating relationships, nurturing them, and having families.

They all had young wombs that would probably repopulate this clan. And me? I ground my teeth together, not wanting my mind to go there.

Sophie lifted her chin, her expression determined. "It’s you who’s making a mistake by not trusting them, Gracie. We’ve been through enough. It’s time we accept this new life, or we’re going to drive ourselves mad with suspicion. We’ve got to move on." She stood up, her voice rising. "I’m not going to let fear dictate my life anymore. I’m done with it."

Her words stung, cutting through the air like a blade. For the first time, she looked at me with accusation, and I didn’t know how to respond. I hadn’t expected Sophie to be the one to stand up to me, but there it was. And while part of me was angry, another part couldn’t help but understand. She was tired. We were all tired of living without purpose.

Salma and Kelly exchanged uncertain glances, and I felt the weight of their silence. They weren’t ready to speak out, but I knew they were thinking about it. Sophie was the first to voice what the others were probably feeling deep down: a yearning for normalcy, for connection, even if it meant risking the unknown.

I sighed, the bitterness rising in my throat, thick and heavy. The words I wanted to say seemed to hang in the air, caught between my chest and my tongue, unwilling to leave.

"I’m just trying to protect us," I muttered, but even to my own ears, the words felt hollow. Empty.

Sophie didn’t look at me. She just turned her gaze to the open doorway of our communal home, where the cool air of the evening brushed past us, carrying with it the scent of what we now come to associate with Savage Claw Clan. There was a quiet finality in her stance, her shoulders set.

"You’re protecting us by keeping us stuck, Gracie," Sophie said, her voice calm, but there was an edge to it. "You can’t stop us from living. It’s not that we’re not grateful for the strength you’ve given us. We are. We would have never survived the swamps without your quick thinking. But…" She paused, her fingers brushing against the doorframe, almost as if trying to steady herself before what she was about to say. "It’s time, you know?"

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, and a heavy weight settled in my chest. She was right, and yet, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I refused to, at least not out loud. Part of me was still clinging to the denial of our situation, pretending that by holding onto the fear, I was keeping us safe, keeping us together. I’d been using that fear to justify everything—the way I tried to control our fate, the way I kept them from moving forward. It wasn’t fair to them, and slowly, the guilt started to eat at me, eating away at whatever certainty I had left.

I felt my throat tighten, and the weight of my own thoughts pressed harder against me. "I don’t want to see you all hurt," I whispered, the vulnerability in my voice feeling like it echoed in the stillness between us. "You guys are all I have."

Sophie was silent for a moment, her gaze still fixed on the open door, but I could see the way her shoulders slumped slightly—like a small release of pressure. "We understand, Gracie," she said, her words soft, but firm. "All of us. But staying trapped in that fear, pretending it’s the only thing keeping us safe—it’s not living. We can’t let the past control us anymore. We have to move forward. We all need to find our place here, and I think—" She paused and looked over at me, her eyes softening. "I think we can. But you have to let go of that control, Gracie. You have to trust us to make our own choices, even if that means things won’t be as safe or certain as you want them to be."

Her words lingered in the air, and for a moment, I just stood there, paralyzed by the weight of it all. I wanted to protect them. I wanted to keep them safe, keep them from harm, but perhaps in doing so, keeping myself safe from having to face what I knew was going to be my fate here.

I didn’t have the answers. I couldn’t see what the future held. But as I looked at Sophie, and then at the others, it became clear to me that nothing I said now would change anything. Nothing I did could alter the fact that I might not be welcome here much longer. Would the tribe cast me out over something so simple? The fear of the unknown settled deep within me, gnawing at my thoughts. It wasn’t just the uncertainty—it was the weight of not knowing where I stood anymore.

With a deep breath, I nodded, though the uncertainty still lingered in my chest. "I… I get it, Sophie. Just, be careful…" I trailed off, not knowing how to finish. But Sophie didn’t need more words. She simply gave me a small, understanding nod before turning back to the door.

"I think it will be okay," she said again, her voice softer this time, but the words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken meaning. She didn’t need me to agree. She didn't need my reassurance. But something about her certainty unsettled me—like she already knew something I didn’t.

And that, more than anything, made me wonder if I had been wrong all along.