Page 17 of X’nath (Dark Orcs of Helfallow)

17

The Stirring of Doubt

GRACIE

T he days bled into one another, and with them, a quiet shift began to take place. I watched as the other women, one by one, started to ease into the life we were building here. It was subtle at first—small smiles, lingering glances—but it didn’t take long for them to fall into the rhythm of this strange, half-formed existence.

Kelly was the first to break after Sophie’s speech. Her interactions with Vakgar had started as cautious exchanges, but I could see it—how her walls came down piece by piece, how the smile she gave him was no longer polite, but warm, sincere. They seemed so different—he was rough, broad, and imposing, while Kelly, though towering over us, was small next to him, with a soft voice and a quiet laugh. But in the moments I caught them together, there was an undeniable tenderness. I almost wanted to look away, but part of me couldn’t stop watching, wondering if this would be one more thing that would slip beyond my grasp.

Then there was Erin who was the most obvious in her response to Karg’s flirtations. Karg was young compared to the others, a bit goofy. So it was no surprise that he had somehow made her laugh and she’d started to return his advances, slowly but surely. I tried to suppress the twinge of jealousy that gnawed at me each time she gave him that playful smile of hers. What did I care? She was happy. But every time I saw her laugh at something he said, something deep inside me stirred uneasily.

Even Salma, who had been so quiet throughout our journey, began to find a place for herself here. I noticed her one afternoon, speaking with Korrin. The stoic, battle-worn orc who rarely spoke, a man whose eyes held the weight of too many battles. Korrin was rough around the edges, even more reserved than most, yet there was something that seemed to pull Salma in. She wasn’t as easily drawn to the bold flirtations of the others, but when Korrin caught her gaze, she didn’t look away. They had a silent understanding, a quiet connection that none of us could quite understand, but it seemed to work for them.

And then there was me.

I stood on the outside, watching as the others began to pair off, some slowly, some with little hesitation. I could see them falling into this new life, weaving themselves into the fabric of the tribe. It was a slow process, but it was happening. I wasn’t blind to it. I had been here for over a month now, and still, I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for. What had I expected, anyway? The same thing that happened every time women like us came into debt? Stuck in this cycle of survival, only to end up on another ship, shackled and sold like cattle?

A cold shiver ran down my spine at the thought. I consciously reminded myself that we weren’t in that position anymore. There were no ships here. From what I had observed about this tribe, they didn’t engage in the flesh trade.

While I had done my best to hold us all together, something inside me was unraveling as I watched them all find connections while I remained untouched, unsure of how I even fit into this place. As much as I wanted to keep control, I couldn’t ignore the gnawing ache of isolation creeping in. A punishment I had dealt to myself, I was sure.

With a sigh, I turned away from the others and walked toward the edge of the camp, hoping the cold breeze would settle my thoughts. But as I stared out at the wilderness stretching out before us, that nagging feeling returned—the doubt that had been building for days.

"Gracie."

I froze.

His voice was low, smooth, and as familiar as the pull of gravity. X’nath. Of course, he was always nearby. His presence seemed to find me no matter where I went. It had been a month since we’d arrived, but it felt like the tension between us had only grown. He wasn’t subtle in his interest, and I wasn’t shy about rejecting him. He radiated youth and vitality, the kind of energy that spoke of a desire for children—many of them. I kept telling myself that I was the last woman he would want, but the more I tried to keep my distance, the harder it became.

I turned slowly to face him, doing my best to mask the unease I felt as I met his gaze. His eyes held that familiar teasing glint, the one that always made me second-guess myself. He knew how to push all the wrong buttons, and yet, I also couldn’t deny the way his presence affected me.

“Are you running away from me now?” X’nath asked, his grin wide, though there was a softness in his voice that made my heart stumble. “Not sure I’ve seen you this far from the others.”

“I’m just… getting some air,” I said, attempting to keep my tone casual, but it came out sharper than I intended.

“You’ve been avoiding me lately,” he said, taking a step closer. The space between us felt smaller with each movement, his words smooth like a caress. “What happened to the Gracie who fought valiantly in the face of a swamp crone? She didn’t shy away from me then in the heat of battle.”

My stomach churned, and I instinctively took a step back. I hated how he made me feel—like he was pulling me into a conversation I didn’t want to have. But I was still here, still listening. And that, in itself, was a problem.

You’re being selfish by even entertaining thoughts of a male this young. Let someone else have him.

“I’m not interested, X’nath,” I said, my voice a little less steady than I would’ve liked.

He paused, his gaze flickering with amusement. “Is that what you tell yourself to get through the day? Because I see the way you look at me, Gracie.”

I bristled. “I don’t look at you in any way,” I snapped. “You’re just... persistent.”

A knowing smile spread across his face. “Is that all? Or do you like the way I make you feel, but you’re too proud to admit it?”

His audacity and cockiness was offensive. The words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken meaning. I knew better than to react, knew better than to give him the satisfaction of seeing me flustered. But there was a small voice in my head, one that whispered that maybe, just maybe, he was right. That maybe there was more to this pull between us than I was willing to admit.

“Go away, X’nath,” I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper, but it felt like I was speaking to myself more than to him.

I turned away, taking a few steps forward, hoping he would leave me in peace. But I could feel his presence behind me, his gaze following my every movement. I didn’t look back; I couldn’t. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing my weakness.

Without warning, he was there, his tall frame blocking the path, forcing me to stop. My breath hitched as he stepped closer, his massive form towering over me. The trees behind me felt like they were closing in, trapping me, though there was still enough room to move around him if I tried.

If I wanted to.

"I’d rather go with you," His voice was a low murmur, but it vibrated through my chest, thick with something I couldn’t define. “You enamor me. Your every move, the way you think, the way you fight. It does nothing but pull me under your spell.”

I couldn’t grasp some of the words he used in orcish but the meaning was clear enough, and it made me flush with an unfamiliar heat.

I took a breath to steady myself, refusing to let my pulse betray me. "You’re wasting your time." The words were more of a plea than a command, but I knew it wouldn’t change anything.

He didn’t speak immediately. Instead, he took a step closer, close enough that I could feel the heat of him, his breath like a steady current of warmth against the cool evening air. His scent was overpowering, a mix of earth, leather, and something wild. He slowly leaned in and inhaled deeply, his chest expanding with a controlled breath, and his eyes never left mine.

What was he doing to me?

"You’re afraid," he said softly, almost with a hint of amusement. "Afraid that if you let me in, I’ll ruin everything you’ve built here. But you’ve already let me in, Gracie. You just haven’t realized it yet."

The space between us was shrinking with every breath I took, and my mind screamed at me to move, to get away. I had to get away. But something in the way he was watching me made my feet feel rooted to the ground.

I stepped to the side, just enough to give myself a bit of space, but he mirrored me, his body blocking me again. “You’re persistent,” I said, trying to sound unaffected, but my voice betrayed me, wavering ever so slightly.

He smirked, the expression both predatory and playful. “I’m not going to let you hide from me forever, Gracie. Not when I know you feel it too."

I wanted to tell him to leave me alone. I wanted to push him away, to escape the storm he was stirring inside me. But instead, I swallowed hard and looked at him, locking my gaze with his. "I’m not the kind of woman who needs someone like you, X’nath."

He leaned in slightly, his face inches from mine, his voice a soft, almost dangerous whisper. “I don’t want you to need me, lak’osh . I want you to want me the way I want you.”

My heart pounded in my chest, my breath shallow. Every instinct in me told me to fight back, to break free, but something about his words, the way he said them with such confidence, made the air around me feel thick and suffocating.

I pushed past him, my movements quick and frantic, and this time, he didn’t block me. I hurried back to the heart of the camp, away from his gaze. But even as I fled, I knew he was right behind me, and I couldn’t escape the sense that, one way or another, he was going to catch me… and one day, I might just let him.