Page 61 of Xel: Broken Bond

As I sat there, with my master stroking Mr Beans, and me stroking my master’s hair, I was startled at the odd array of emotions I was feeling. Most obvious was the grief for Bribie, and my concern for my master. But simmering beneath that was a warm sense of satisfaction, and I baulked at the emotion for a moment, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I feltsatisfiedthat my master was heartbroken? Was it some twisted sort of selfishness about being allowed to cuddle with him on the sofa?

But the more I examined the feelings, the more they began to make sense. Yes, I was upset about my master’s grieving. But at the same time, the fact that I had something to grieve over was strangely heartening. Because it meant I had something here to care about. I had something thatmattered.And that was something I hadn’t had back at the hotel. There had been an endless stream of guests, but none of them more remarkable or noteworthy than any other. Work each day had been the same. Everything had been dull and beige and numb.

But here, I’d spent the day beingusefulto my master – caring for the animals when he was too busy, supporting him when our strange visitors became too stressful. He was grateful for my company, in a way that my old master never had been. And as much as I regretted the fact that it was necessary, I wasnonetheless pleased that I was able to offer him some comfort now. His life before I’d arrived had sounded like a very lonely one.

My own early concerns about being lonely here now seemed laughable. There were the other staff here, of course, but now there was Vonnie, and the Ranzors, and there would soon be Yona and his mate, and a handful of doctors and nannies, and later on, some surrogate parents for the babies. I would certainly not be wanting for company, and with such a delightful mix of cultures and species, it was bound to be endlessly fascinating.

I felt an odd ache in my chest, much like I’d felt the first day I’d met my old master. I’d been so excited to meet the man that I would serve for the rest of my life… Except that it hadn’t turned out to be the rest of my life. And it hadn’t turned out to be much of a service, either. If I’d died, I could have been immediately replaced by the next teenager with a resume to slouch through the front door.

The feeling now felt so much moresolid, for lack of a better term. I knew my master’s cares and concerns, his fears, his pain. And as time went on and I learned even more about him and the work on this property, I had no fears at all about beingreplaceable.

Eventually, I decided we should probably move, lest my master fall asleep where he was and wake up with a stiff neck. I opened my mouth to say “Come and have a shower,” to my master, but the words caught in my throat, like something was physically holding them back. A good dimari did not order their master around. “Would you like to come and have a shower?” I asked instead. I’d been working hard all day and needed to get cleaned up, and even though my master wasn’t particularly dirty, he’d likely feel more refreshed afterwards.

“Hmm?” He sat up, blinking and wiping the remnants of tears from his eyes. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He gave MrBeans a final pat, then nudged him gently until he obligingly hopped off my master’s lap.

My master let me pull him to his feet and followed me down the hallway, and I reflected that as recently as yesterday, I wouldn’t have dared to do this. He’d been so cagey at that point, barely wanting to touch me, and certainly not willing to let me see his scars. I still didn’t know quite what had changed but nonetheless, I was glad he seemed more comfortable with me after this morning’s encounter in the shower.

I led him into the bathroom and turned on the water to let it heat up. Then I turned to him and ran the backs of my fingers gently across his cheek. He wasn’t crying at the moment, but I could still see the faint traces of his tears. “Can I undress you?” I asked. I’d never expected to have to ask that. My training had led me to believe that my master would beorderingme to undress him, and that he’d be thoroughly eager to see my body in return. This new master wasn’t anything like I’d been taught to expect. And yet, I found that I wanted to look after him, that I cared for him far more than I had my previous master, who had indeed been all too eager to have me naked beneath him.

My master nodded, and I gently unbuttoned his shirt, tugging it off his shoulders as he stood there, staring at the floor. Then I undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down his legs. I knelt on the floor to help him get his feet out of them. Then I tested the water, adjusting the temperature slightly, and nudged him towards the bath. He climbed in as I quickly stripped my clothes off, but by the time I was climbing in next to him, he was crying again.

I turned him towards me and cupped the back of his head, tugging him down to lean his forehead against my shoulder. Given that I was taller than him, our respective heights worked out perfectly for this. I stood there, breathing slowly, just holding him, as the warm water cascaded down over us.

“I should have let him move into the house sooner,” he muttered, his breath hot against my scales. “I don’t know why I kept making him sleep in the kennels.”

“He knew you loved him,” I replied, running my hands over his wet back and shoulders. “He had company during the day and he died with you right by his side.”

I felt him nod against my shoulder, then he stepped a fraction closer and slid his arms around my waist, leaning his weight against me as we both stood in the shower and let the water wash some of the grief away.

Finally, my master stepped back. “We should get out of here before we run out of hot water.” We gave ourselves a cursory wash, then climbed out of the shower, drying off in silence.

We hadn’t brought any clean clothes with us, so we both wrapped our towels around our waists and I bundled up our dirty clothes. I followed him into his bedroom, uncertain as to whether he’d want me to stay, but I’d feel better knowing he was settled in bed before I went back to my room. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, not seeming to know what to do next. He looked up at me, a frown on his face. “Are you okay?” he asked. “I know I’ve dumped a lot of stuff on you today. And I’m being kind of useless this evening.”

“It’s fine,” I assured him. “You knew Bribie for a lot longer than I did. He was a beautiful animal, but I only knew him for a couple of days. I’m more than happy to look after you for a little while.” It wasn’t that I didn’t care about Bribie. But I’d worried about him more in a conceptual way than as an individual. I’d been concerned about him being lonely, and bothered that he didn’t have a home to really love him properly, but he wasn’tmypet,myfamily. I simply hadn’t known him for long enough to really get attached. But my master certainly had, and if I could carry a few of his burdens for long enough to give him time to grieve, then I would willingly do so.

My master sighed, long and deep, then rubbed his eyes. “God, I’m tired. And this is just going to keep going. The Ranzors, and the Vangravians… Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to be a part of this project. It’s just… there’s somuchof it right now. This time last week, my biggest problem was figuring out how to stop Jeffrey the Camel from breaking out of his yard.”

I brushed his damp hair out of his eyes. “You won’t be doing it alone. I’ll be here, and Bo, and I’m sure Leesha will jump at that chance to get involved.” My master had sent me a message late this afternoon stating that three out of the four casuals had been given clearance to know the broad details of the plan, though it had been emphasised that there would be strict penalties if they discussed the project with anyone else. Colonel Riglis was going to give each of them a call tomorrow, after my master explained the basics to them. The fourth casual was the young man who was still at school, and the Parliament had decided he was too young to be trusted with such vital information – or perhaps that it wasn’t fair to put that much pressure on someone so young. But at the same time, they’d offered to find a new casual job for him, so he didn’t miss out on the income.

To my surprise, my master chuckled at my mention of Leesha. “She’s going to be a nightmare. Put her in a room full of Vangravian babies and she’ll be like a kid in a candy shop. And I can just see her picking a fight with one of the Ranzors. I’ll have to give them a heads up tomorrow morning that she’s coming.” His face fell as he said it, then he added, “We’ll have to dig a hole in the morning for Bribie.”

I nodded. “Perhaps near the rose bushes?” I suggested. “It’s a sunny spot. He’d like it there.”

“Yeah,” my master said, tears shimmering in his eyes again. But they didn’t spill over, and after a couple of deep breaths, he seemed to regain control of himself. He looked over at the bed, then down at the towel still wrapped around his waist. Then heput his hand on my chest, sliding it slowly upwards, then around until his fingertips were resting on my bicep.

“Stay with me,” he said, putting just the slightest pressure on my arm. “If that’s okay?”

I nodded, leaning forward a fraction to close the distance between us. Not that a handful of inches could really be called distance. “Yes, sir.”

“No,” he said, his tone sharpening. “I don’t want a ‘yes, sir, no, sir’. I want to know what youwant. I want to know if you really want to be here or not. I’m notorderingyou to sleep with me.”

That was an easy one. I’d been wanting to sleep with him for days, and I opened my mouth to say as much… But a sudden buzzing in my head cut the words off. I was here to serve his wishes. I was here to please him. That was all.

That was odd. He was not my-

The words cut off before I could finish the sentence, even within my own head. Cole Jenkinswasmy master.

A strange instinct had me wanting to test that theory. A bonded dimari was compelled to obey their master. I glanced over at the door. Then I tried to move towards it. My master had ordered me to stay, albeit that he hadn’t intended to. ‘Stay with me’, he’d said… and I now found myself physically incapable of leaving.